Wednesday, August 25, 2010

One of those days.

Having the most emotional of emotional days.

The trip I was going on (to Nashville, for the secret thing) ended up not happening. I was supposed to be flying there standby yesterday morning, and the flight looked open pretty much right up until I went to the airport. Then after an hour and a half of stressfully playing the waiting game, I got bumped. Simple as that. So here I am, still in Seattle, disappointed and distressed but trying trying not to dwell on it.

I still can't say why I was going, as there is a slight chance I could still... do it... You know, I'm just going to stop talking about it because it's unfair to be so secretive. Basically I'm not in Nashville, is the point of this whole thing, and it's hugely disappointing.

Because of my airline misfortunes I really had no time to read Mockingjay yesterday, so I've spent a large chunk of today lying in bed and reading. The internet has been kind to Hunger Games fans and thankfully I haven't been spoiled, as I am only halfway through.

It's hard to formulate thoughts about the book right now, because my head is such a jumbled mess of everything happening to these characters. I love the book, I hate the book, I have to just continue reading to keep from crying or throwing it or stopping reading altogether. I don't think I have ever read such an emotionally charged work of literature, or something with the ability to make me so uncomfortable, or to hate the human race so much. And that's saying something, as I've read a whole arsenal of books set in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future meant to comment on the worthlessness of how we live our lives.

I've only stopped reading a few times, during which I have heard the news about the beautiful, inspirational Esther Earl passing away last night. Charged with the emotions of Mockingjay and getting bumped from my flight yesterday, I'll admit I lost it for a second. It's unfortunate that such an ugly, horrible disease could take someone so good and pure and brave from this world. And knowing that an entire community of people who never knew this little girl personally are mourning her together today; it's enough to make even the toughest person a little weepy.

So I'm having one of those days. I'm reading a reading a life-alteringly amazing (though brutally emotional) book, mourning the loss of a incredibly strong and inspiring nerdfighter, and wishing I was in Nashville like I've been planning for the last week. I'll see you tomorrow.

Last google search: ZomBCon
Chipotle burritos: 17


Larangutang said...

The first thing I saw today when I got online was about Esther and I lost it. You didn't have to know her personally to be inspired and in awe of her. <3 Also, I'm anxiously awaiting my copy of Mockingjay, hopefully it gets here before my yucky history, enormous book for history.

Jess said...

I've cried so much today. I actually stopped in the middle of Mockingjay and just mourned for a half an hour. I can't believe that Esther's gone. I cannot remember ever crying this much about someone dying, and I didn't even know her irl. It's... just so sad.

On a happier note, I'm interested to hear your opinion on Mockingjay once you've finished. It's very... wow.

Anonymous said...

Big cuddles to Kristina and all the nerdfighters who are feeling Esthers loss.


heyaitsemma said...


seurat2 said...

Oh damn it Kristina, I hadn't heard about Esther until reading your blog. That's so miserably sad that I have nothing else to say.

Moonshoes Emma said...

I've been ridiculously emotional today too. I've been crying on and off all day, both because of Esther and because my best friend left for college yesterday and I'm not going to see him for a long time. When I heard about Esther, I immediately picked up my phone to call him and tell him to come over, but then I realized that he's not home anymore, which made me even more upset. I didn't know Esther personally, but that doesn't mean I'm any less sad about her passing. My love and support goes out to her family and friends in the hopes that this terrible event will only make them stronger and bring them closer together. *sigh* Apparently, this week has not been kind to anyone. Kristina, I hope you feel better soon. <3

Alissa said...

I have to admit, I have only ever heard of Ester through other vloggers. I never really got around to learning what she was all about.

I knew she was an awesome Nerdfighter and that she liked Harry Potter, but that was it.

Then this morning my Twitter and Youtube page were full of sad messages from people who I cared about mourning someone who THEY cared about. And it got to me too.

I feel like it's harder on those who knew her, but that she had such an impact above and beyond her immediate reach, that even people who never knew her-- people like me-- will miss her.

Cancer is a horrible disease, I've lost my Grandmother, step-grandmother and countless Great-aunts to it, and it was hard, but they had lived long and wonderful lives, and I know that they are looking out for me now.

16 is to young to die, and I hope that she is out there somewhere feeling happy and finally pain-free.

Here's hoping that Tomorrow's a little brighter...

(I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of Mockingjay, but for now I wait.)

to_thine_own_self said...

I'm sorry, Kristina. It is, indeed, one of those days.
I got on Twitter earlier and found out about Esther from your tweet about it...and I cried.
I never "knew" her either, really, but I knew of her. And I'm just shocked that she's not here anymore. She was so happy and full of life. It's so sad.
And I'm really sad that you didn't get to go to Nashville. I'm hoping very much that you still can <333

Rosanna said...

Hopefully things will get better for you soon Kristina, everyone has bad days and I'm sure you will be fine. You seem very strong.
I am very unpatiently awaiting my copy of Mockingjay which should arrive in the morning and your blog had definitely made me more excited for it. I feel like I really need a big emotional book to give me an excuse to have a cry.
When I heard about Esther's passing today I have to say I was so shocked. She seemed so full of life. I didn't know her but she seemed amazing, I would have loved to have been given the chance to know her.

Madeline said...

I've cried several times today too. I never met Esther, but I am so sad to hear of her passing, and I'm so inspired to see the outpouring of love and support for her family. It's been a tough day on the Interwebs.

Couple that with the fact that my copy of Mockingjay has been shipped from Indiana to Pennsylvania, right through my home in Ohio where it's supposed to be, and it's been an all around notsome day.

Tiny and Momo said...

can you read mine? press 2010 :P

appletrain said...


Kai said...

I didn't really know much about Esther, other than what John Green's said about her, and in Lauren's video with her. But, I know that she was incredibly inspirational to many, and I am incredibly sad to hear about her.
I hope everyone is working through their mourning, and my thoughts are with all of you, and Esther.

Anonymous said...

i think all of nerdfighteria is just having a bad day. the little things are huge things now, because are defenses are weakened. and the worst part about it is that esther wouldn't have wanted us to all be miserable. nothing got her down, and we're supposed to follow that but we cant and it sucks. *sigh*
hugs all around, may tomorrow be a little more like esther would have wanted it to be.

thatothergrace said...

I also had a bad day, I think probably alot ofpeople did. :(

I am also halfway through mockingjay to. I think it terrific so far.

JordynJitters said...

What I love so much about this community we're in is that, the majority of us did not have the pleasure of knowing Esther personally, but she was so involved that she brought us all together. That no matter whether we knew her in person or not, we all loved her, and will all miss her greatly. I hope everyone's wands were raised today in respects for this beautiful girl.
I wrote a blogpost about her as well.

Han said...

Cancer really really sucks! I just saw on your blog and John's tweet.

I want to go cry - how does that work - someone I've never met in my life and just seen on YouTube and yet I feel like I lost a friend or something :(


Elle Viane Sonnet said...

Sorry :(

Standby sucks, hope you're feeling a little better.

kira902k said...

Ahh, nooo, stop talking about Mockingjay! I mean, I know it's totally not a spoiler, but I'm kind of a spoiler freak. Like, I hate to hear anything more than "good" or "bad" about a book before I've read it.
Oh well. This just made me even more excited to read it. If I could only get through this book for school...written by the actor for Dr House. Erg. *slaps book*
Wait, that'd be mean. I would never slap my book. I take that back.

Okay, this is turning into a ramble again.

And... I don't want to talk about Esther right here, right now.
Rest in Awesome, Esther.

And I'm so sorry you didn't get to Nashville. :S I hope whatever it is till happens.