Friday, August 21, 2009

Course comparison.

Well, I have spent one night up in Edinburgh and I've already had more fun than I've had on my entire London trip.

On the one hand, it's really nice to have a fun and exciting weekend away in a great city with my best friend.
On the other hand, it's actually depressing me a whole lot how much better Eia's Scotland program is than my London one in every way.

They all live in this big fun flat right in the city with a central living room for everyone to hang out in whereas I live in these stupid little dorms on a campus about an hour out of central London.
Her program is smaller so she's already really close with everyone while mine has so many people who are always off doing different things so I haven't really made too many CLOSE friends yet.
They have class in their living room for two hours every once in awhile where they talk about the shows they're seeing in the Fringe Festival and different themes in storytelling and stuff, we have excruciatingly dull class on public health for 4 hours a day, 4 times a week.
They have seen tons of weird shows and hung out at all the cool pubs and clubs and restaurants... we cant do much in London because we have class until 3 and everything closes at 6, but then we cant do much night-life either because only so many trains go back to Eltham each night.
She's experiencing Scotland... I honestly feel like I am having a UW experience that just happens to be in London.

Gah. I'm just feeling a little bit cheated.

We're trying to work out our plans for September, after the courses end, but it's all really complicated and I'm frustrated because of money and planning and making sure I'm keeping busy so I don't think too much about everything else.

I know everyone was really excited to finally hear from happy-Kristina the last few days but my life is a roller coaster right now - the most un-fun, nauseating roller coaster and pardon me for being cliché but I am so tempted to just jump off it and book a flight home. I'm not going to, because I am a stronger person than that, but I wish being a strong person didn't also mean resigning myself to experiencing some of this stuff by myself, know it's okay to let yourself cry (I'm so SICK of crying) and pushing yourself to get up and do things despite feeling miserable.

Today I am going to spend a day in Edinburgh and I'll deal with everything else later.

My next obstacle is finding a printer and a fax machine or scanner because I have some forms I need to get to people. WHERE am I going to find that here? I barely even get wifi.

I miss Emma and Rosi.

Days until I leave: 33
Times I've had Indian food: 6

38 comments:

natnel56 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RhianonLives said...

Okay, I was hoping I'd be the first comment but someone beat me and said mean stuff XD People who aren't sensitive just don't get it. I think it's all part of being an artistic kind of person_ you know, you make music and you write... I write too, and I feel like I'm a gazillion times more emotional than all my friends. Don't know if it's that, or just that we're crazy. Might be both!
You're being really strong, you know. Crying is good, crying means facing all the drama instead of hiding from it, so I say, if you want to cry, then cry. Stuff, even good stuff, can seem horrible when something bad happens to you. I wish I could tell you that you're in a wonderful place and you should enjoy what you get, but I know it's not that easy! So I guess all I really have to say is, you have amazing friends who love you, and a supporting family, and you have us, your semi-anonymous commenters, and we love you too <3 and screw the rest.
Hope you have fuuun =D

Ana Carolina Moreno said...

Hey Kristina, you don't know me and everything but I've followed to 5AG for a while. I'm from Brazil and currently live in Spain. I've also lived for a year in Canada. Done all of that all by myself, so I know culture shock gets a little hard to handle.

I suggest you check out couchsurfing.org because I bet you can find amazing people who are interested in hanging out and could even host you in London for a night, so you can enjoy the night life.

Also, if you find a cheap flight to La Coruña or Santiago de Compostela (Ryanair flies here from London), you can come spend a weekend somewhere new. I promise Brazilian (and Spanish) food, some time at the beach, the oldest Roman lighthouse still functional today and Galician beer, which is my personal favourite. My username on CouchSurfing is anarina.

Hope everything gets better soon!

newsyearsgoals said...

natnel, you have absolutely NO idea what is going on in Kristina's life right now. Neither do I.

You're right, it's really none of your business or mine. But if the outpouring of support that the other 5AG and twitter folks have given to her show anything, it's that she has something to be upset about.

Walk two miles in someone else's shoes before judging them.

Kristina, have a fabulous time in Dublin! Very jealous : ) I've been to London a few times, but never to Dublin.

Julia(: RAWRRRR(; said...

kristina, no matter how tough it becomes, you are NOT going to give up. hear me?
N O T.
cause if you do, that would make you a...weaker person.
and you are NOT weak.
agreed?

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine.

and as far i know, KRISTINA is not a girl to waste her time waiting for the storm.
it may be raining now, but it cant rain forever, right?
there'll always be that happy bright smiling sun to meet you on the other side of the rainbow :D

okay im rambling now,
but i hope you get what im trying to say(:

just try to make the most of your trip, and say hi to Liam (if you meet him) for me :D

eibbore said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eibbore said...

You are not the kind of person that gives up.

Get out enjoy Edinburgh, be with your friend, soak in the atmosphere. You are there during all the festivals. I live in Scotland and I've never been down during the festivals (mostly because it's expensive) so make the most of it.

Eia may be having a better experience than you but you are having a better experience than so many others.

I was in New York for a year. Which is amazing, but I was living and working on Long Island. There was someone else from my course that was living and working in Manhattan. In the end of the day I'm positive I had just as good a time as they did. It's what YOU make of it. Be positive and you'll be home soon if all goes belly up.

I don't know you and I certainly don't mean to give my opinions where they are neither wanted or needed. Just thought I'd share my experience.

Best of luck.

Removed before due to grammar. Gah!

Phyllis said...

Is it possibly to stop the classes, and just go live with a bunch of friends you have over there for the next 33 days, like Todd did? You only live once, you are 21 in England with a ton of good friends around you. Don't let this program make you miserable, it is NOT worth it. See if you can get out of it. It's not considered quitting if you wake up everyday unhappy, and do something about it. It's considered giving up if you wake up everyday unhappy and don't do anything about it. You don't want to look back on this time and think of everything else you could have been doing. So ditch the public health class, and dorms, and head for your friends, and the real england. This is summer time, and its coming to an end, get out there and live!

It's so odd how know that someone I've never met it having a crappy time at their abroad classes can get me down.

Good Luck!!!! Do what makes you happy.

HarryPotterNERDFIGHTER said...

First off Kristina, it really is ok to be upset, or complain even when you're on holiday, because you cant control how or when your emotions are going to hit you.
Crying is never fun, but sometimes it has to be done, you cant bottle everything up thats not going to help in the slightest.

And dont feel like you have to write a happy blog to please us, of course we prefare it when you're happy (If we didnt we'd be very cruel people) but like I said, you cant control your emotions, and you dont have to hide them from us or anyone.

And Kristina, you ARE a very strong person, I think thats why I like you so much. You're handling having a crisis away from home alot better than most people I know.
I know you're findng it hard to enjoy yourself, and it isnt as easy as dropping your problems and having fun. So I reckon, you have one night in with Eia, tell her everthing, cry alot, eat chocolate and it might just make you feel better. Because we both know that if all you remember of this trip is you being upset then you're going to regret it.
I really, genuinely hope you feel better soon Kristina <3

Freya
X

Caitlin said...

Kristina, there isn't good without bad, so doesn't the bad stuff make the good all the better?

You're in a different country with people you don't know, you're experiencing new stuff; nobody expects you to like it all. Being upset isn't something you could've avoided.

Just remember, when you go home, you'll be able to say "Yeah, I studied in London." and think about how many American's wish they could say that. Being emotional right now means that the memories of this experience will be so much stronger, which is better.

Cheer up, Poppet (:

Mairead said...

I know you have no idea who I am, but I felt like I needed to give you my condolences. I know that you are not having a great time but keep you head up, and revel in the little pleasures. Just take it one day, and hour, a minute, or even a second at a time. You can do it!

You are a strong person, and after all of the work that you have done, you will be able to visit with alex for a while. I know things are horrible, but this is an experience, and it'll be alright in the end.

Don't feel bad about complaining, if things are crap, they are, but don't let them bring you down.

I hope you have fun with Eia. Stay strong, Kristina.

N-GO said...

So, I've been reading your blog for probably the past year and a half now or something like that and I've been following you on YT for the past few years. Well, it's been a long time thing, and I think this is the first time that I've actually commented on your blog.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better about everything, and that hopefully your adventures in England will become more amazing as things go along.

Obviously, things are hard for you at the moment, with you adjusting to everything, and dealing with all those issues, but I suppose that's just life. But, you're made of strong stuff Kristina, and you'll make it through.

Much love,
J

Karli said...

I think I kinda know what you mean. The first 6 months of my year long exchange was pretty horrible. Like you said, sometimes you'll just have to experience things by yourself. I went on some great walks by myself and took pictures of weird houses and things like that.

I was able to pull through like you are and then suddenly it all changed. I just happened to meet the right people one day and then had an amazing experience. You never know what can happen.

Either way, stay strong. Sometimes we just get the short end of the stick. Whatever happens, you'll come out of this experience better than when you went in.

-Karli (UW girl you met at NW YT gathering)

BenCracknell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karli said...

oh, and this may be a long shot, but have you tried a library for the printer/fax/scanner thing?

BenCracknell said...

I feel really, really bad knowing your having a crappy time in England. Forgive me if I sound like im intruding into your personal life, but I honestly feel terrible thinking that England has contributed to your sadness.

I've probbibly dreamed all this up, but it just kind of makes me ashamed knowing that our country made you feel like shit.

I hope you have a good rest of your time in Edinburgh, and a good time in Dublin.

x

Jade said...

awww I'm so sorry Kristina! I wish there were something I could say or do to make it all better, but I know there isn't. Hope things start to look up for you! Just remember how blessed you are to even be there-in LONDON! It's so awesome!

Kelly said...

Sometimes I find the best way to cheer someone up is to tell them that you love them. So...

I love you. And although I'm a complete stranger, I mean this in a totally non-creepy way.

I'm pretty sure all your blog readers love you and you have this amazing support system who will stand behind all of your decisions. You're a lucky girl! :)

Elly said...

There is tons and tons of really good advice above for dealing with shitty times in life.

One piece that isn't there: if you want a late night out, pre-book a cheapo hotel near where you're going out, and sneak everyone in in shifts, just kip on the floor :) last trains home are a total nightmare! Or just stay out until the first train home the next morning which is generally about 5am :)

Glad you're having fun up in Edinburgh!

aubriane said...

Being a strong person is definitely going to be worth it.
I did a year exchange in Germany, and at the beginning, I didn't even want to go. I didn't want to leave my boyfriend, and once I got there, I cried more than anyone else in my group.
I ended up getting really close to people in my group and breaking up with my (shitty) boyfriend, and then after a month we all separated to live with our host families.
I cried a lot then too.
I lived in this teeny town that had maybe 300 residents, and my school was half an hour away in a town that had maybe six shops. I didn't know the language and I was afraid of everyone. I felt like I was missing out, my friends all lived in Berlin and Cologne and were going to Prague and Amsterdam and I was stuck in a little house that had a barn.
It was the best thing I ever did. When you do come home, you'll be so glad you were there.

Ariel said...

The internet does some strange things. I don't even know you, and I'm sitting here wishing I could do something to cheer you up. (Not in a creepy way, though. I promise.)

I hope you enjoy your day in Edinburgh. Maybe go check out some Potter-related places? Anything Potter always seems to make me feel better.

to_thine_own_self said...

Hey, Kristina. I don't think I've ever commented on your blog before, though I've followed it for awhile.
I just thought that I'd drop by and say something, since you're not feeling so chipper lately.
I'm not feeling all that great lately, either. So I understand what you're going through. I've been feeling really frustrated and it seems to me that that's how you are feeling, as well. Crying is really a good way to let stuff out at times like this. Believe me, I've been doing it a lot too.
I know you'll get through this. I've never even met you and I know that you truly are a strong person.
So take care and just remember to breathe. Things will get better with time.
And if you need to vent, know that me and your other blog readers will listen.

=]

Mary said...

I'm glad that your stay in the UK is finally looking up. Even though I've never met you, it made me sad that you seemed so depressed in some of your posts! But it's okay to cry and feel like shit and hate the world sometimes... because if you just let it bottle up, you'll go insane and start writing terrible poetry a la Emily Dickenson.

In honor of Em:

I hope--
the rest of your tr--
ip
starts looking up/
metaphor metaphor DASHES
and remember;;;//-
what doesn't kill you makes
-- you stronger

You're awesome... don't forget that.

Cheers, love.
Haley

VicMorrowsGhost said...

Aww man someone needs to invent a way to transmit hugs digitally because I want to send you one right now. Can we invent one, like the self five you did in you video that time. So if someone types something like #hug you have to hug yourself. Mmm needs work.

Anyhoo I'm dieing of swine flu so you're doing better than me on that front. Ok, so it's probably not the swine but no one has any sympathy for you these days if you have just a regular cold.

Keep your chin up luv. #hug

Brynne Annaë said...

I'll just offer you *hugs* and hope you ride out the storm, because everyone else has given the good advice already. :)

said...

I understand that you thought this was going to be an awesome two months because you've wanted it and planned it for such a long time. It's sucks when what you dreamed for so long turns out to be not as great as you imagined it would be. If you actually went home I'm sure you would wish you wouldn't have done it when you got home, so hang in there :)

You'll probably get closer to your classmates when you go to Italy? Are you still going, btw?

Crying is good, though. Let it all out. You're with Eia now, it's time for some fun, even if it's for a short time :) We'll help you through it <33

AWhatFighter? said...

Awwwww. Kristina, try not to be too sad and just have some fun with your friends. I hope you get through this rough spot in your life soon. You are extremely lucky to have so many good friends who are willing to help you through it.
I hope you have a wonderful time the rest of your trip! <3

Natasha said...

I want to say something encouraging right here, but I read a lot of the other comments and they've pretty much covered it. I'm glad to be part of such a great group of people - your blog readers - if they can help make you feel better. I hope everything improves.
(:

Emily said...

Aw, Kristina, I'm sorry your life is such a roller coaster. I really hope it gets better for you and the rest of your trip will be the amazing experience you deserve! Get lots of hugs from Eia while you're with her! Hugs always make me feel better, somehow. <333

but the name is Tarah. said...

Kristina, you're the best thing since sliced bread.


And don't you forget it.
Seriously.

Amber said...

For a long time now, I have wished that -I- could be one of the people you are closest to!

I hate not knowing what is really going on in your life, as well as in the lives of the other 5AG.

But unfortunately, I will probably not ever get to meet any of you, even, and it's sad. =(

All I can tell you is that WE LOVE YOU KRISTINA and things will always get better in the end.

If they aren't better, it's not the end.

My captcha (or however it is spelled) is "Inestio" which sounds like a spell! Perhaps something having to do with a nest or a home!

Nicole said...

I really hope your London experience gets better. I feel really bad that you're having a horrible time and I don't even know you! Try to make the most of it. I'm sure when you get back home, it will be the good memories that stick out the most, not the unhappy ones.

Have a great time in Dublin!

SlytherinSweetie said...

I'm glad your trip is better. I've never met you, but I can tell you are a very strong girl, and you can make it through. I'm not gonna say I know how you feel, cos I don't, but I still sympathize for all the bumps in the road. =[

But soak up the sunshine, have fun, eat some chips and enjoy London! You won't be there forever, and when you leave, you're totally gonna miss it! And don't feel obliged to write a happy blog if your not really, just to please us. Of course we love reading happy-Kristina blogs, but we're here to support you during the not happy blogs. Even though we're all complete strangers. Ha ha. =]

Sam said...

I'm so sorry that you're feeling miserable! I so wish that you could be having more fun on that amazing trip! But like others said, you are a strong girl and you can handle it. Get out there and enjoy yourself and experience all that your trip has to offer.

So cry if you have to and complain all you want! It's healthy to let your feelings out, and that's what we're all here for! To listen to the ranting and such. I know ranting and complaining makes ME feel better sometimes. Just let it all out, but make sure that you try to make some good out of your trip too. You'll regret it if you look back on the trip and think about how you were miserable all the time. Like I said, you're strong and you can make it through this! That's why we all like you so much! Because you seem to be able to overcome anything.

I sincerely hope you feel much better soon so that you can properly enjoy and experience everything!

Lots of love,
Sam

Alex Dahlberg said...

Hey Kristina! I'm happy you had a good time with Eia, and although her program may be better than yours, it doesn't mean that you need to have a bad time! I know you're obviously not doing it on purpose, but you have to be a bit more optimistic. I know something bad is going on in your life right now, but schoolwise, think about the positive: You are in England, which has got to be more exciting than home to some extent! And you are seeing friends you barely ever get to see. Focus on that.

And I know that crying can suck sometimes, but if you feel like crying, do it. It's better than holding it in. Personally, I sometimes feel refreshed after a good long cry.

I'm sorry if I'm not helping. I just want you to know, that even though I dont KNOW you, I do care for you. I hate seeing someone being sad, or not enjoying life to the fullest.
Just think positive. <3

-alex

Matt said...

As a guy, I don't cry too much. But I can tell you, sometimes, everyone needs a good cry. I remember the last time I went through some stressful times, and all my plans for my life were falling apart, a good cry made me feel a bit better. I know that you are probably sick of hearing this, but I'm sure that you will make it through this and come out a stronger person because of it.

I hope whatever you are going through resolves itself soon enough.

Cheers love. ;)

theresa said...

That's for you, 'cause we wish to see your pretty smile again!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcyPVHEXMtc

Cheers, love :)

emperessemma said...

I know you're probably sick of people telling you to stay positive but that's all you can do. You're in london Kristina! Try and be happy. You're an amazing person I know you can make this an amazing experience if you try.
x