I am having one of those nights.
At work I just got ridiculously, unstoppably grumpy. I was angry at everyone, and no matter what a patron wanted, it felt like they specifically wanted it just because they knew it would piss me off.
I was fully aware how dramatic I was being, and was outwardly laughing at myself, but I also think I was speaking in capslock all night.
Then I came home and realized the SOURCE of my pent up anger, which is the Japanese Art History midterm I had put off studying for until tonight. I was being a trooper and working my way through it until I got an email saying that some paperwork I thought I'd completed had been done wrongly and that I have to redo it, and then I just LOST IT again.
Haha I think my whole house is wondering why I am yelling about everything.
At least I can acknowledge that I am being a brat. I DONT CARE. I'M GRUMPY.
Also, I am just frustrated with college. Today in my global youth class we were talking about whether Education has intrinsic value, or if our time and money spent at college is more valuable instrumentally.
If I could just accept that my education is an instrument, then I suppose everything would be fine. I could keep doing the University dance until I graduate in 2010. But doesn't that seem a waste?
I WANT my education to have intrinsic value. I want to be learning things because learning things is important and will help me. I don't work hard and therefore get poorer grades when I feel I am only working toward a degree and that individual grades/classes dont matter. That's DEPRESSING. Is higher education purely instrumental?
The day I can hop on a plane/boat/train/hovercraft and just go gain my own knowledge of things on this beautiful, beautiful planet will be a very happy day in my life.
oh my god i think
4 hours ago