Monday, July 13, 2009

Sad sad sad.

I am emotionaaal.

One hereditary trait I got from my mom was the ability to cry at EVERYTHING. I cried when I saw the new Dakota Fanning version of Charlotte's Web. I cried last night when Mad Eye did the Cruciatus Curse on a spider in front of Neville. I BAWLED during the last episode of Torchwood Season 3.

So I suppose you can probably imagine what might happen when I take my boyfriend to the airport to send him home to London.

Alex was at my house for 2 months and sending him home this time was one of the most horrible things I've ever had to do. I know that a lot of people (him included) think I'm silly for blubbering all over the place when I am literally leaving for the UK two weeks from today, but that's not why I am so bent out of shape. It's not the two weeks that are making my stomach tie up in knots.

It's just that he was here for two months. That's a really long time. You get used to things in two months. It feels like he lives here. My housemates feel like he's just another person in the house, and we definitely developed our little routines and things we did that wont feel right anymore. And like when Sam left, everything reminds me of him. The slanket on my bed. The tub of brownies I now have to finish alone. The imprint of his suitcase on my carpet.

I just know that in a mere two weeks, I am not going to adapt back to life by myself. And then I will go to London and have a glorious and wonderful two months there, but THEN. Then I come home alone. That's a life I am now unfamiliar with. That's why I have been crying.

Alex's mom and Becky and Charlie are all going to pick him up at the airport because they miss him so much and I am so glad he'll have a welcoming committee. Aside from my parents... I doubt anyone will be waiting at the airport for me when I get home in September.

This is moody and probably gross for other people to read but I am a mess right now and I don't know what else to do with myself. Alex and I usually stay in bed and watch Arrested Development or snuggle or eat cereal with bananas in it at this time of day.

Long distance is hard. So worth it, but hard.

I miss him.


Edit: Almost harder than saying goodbye to Alex was tearing Max and Beverly, our turtles, apart. Not fun. Beverly went back to London too.

50 comments:

partyweetow said...

I thought Alex was going to try to move to the US by October or something? That must be really exciting to look forward to! (Alternatively, I hope I didn't just make you more upset!)

hayleyghoover said...

I'll come pick you up from the airport if I win the lottery and drop out of school....

the_who_ru said...

Would it be creepy if I sent a cyber-hug down the wires? :/
Hope you make it through the next two weeks, and that you have the best time in London when you get there.
<3

Karli said...

Hang in there. Just think, this way you'll be even happier when you see him in 2 weeks. I'm also a crier.

Rachel said...

Oh Kristina. Don't be sad! At least you'll get to see him in two weeks!

I'm giving you a cyberhug.

That probably wasn't very comforting though, was it?

Scott said...

I'm sorry you're so sad. But just think how fast the next two weeks are going to go, with Harry Potter coming out and everything. Before you know it, you'll be in England with Alex, and you'll ne able to make new routines together, and eat more bananas and cereal together, and be all in love and junk. And then when you move back home at the end of that, that'll just be another bridge you will have to cross when you get to it.

But I think your relationship is doing a fine job bridge-wise.

jennyxdoodle said...

I'm sorry!! that stinks!!!

Emily said...

I'm so sorry Kristina! I live 600 miles away from my best friends and leaving them is always the hardest thing to do, I can't imagine how tough it must be to watch your boyfriend fly off to another country. :[ Take heart, though! You'll be seeing him again soon, and I'm sure you guys will figure out the next big distance when you get there.

Plus, I'll bet there will be plenty of people who miss you like crazy while you're gone and want to pick you up at the airport when you come back. I may not know you personally, but I can tell that you are loved.

God's Rock Angel said...

It is not sad and it is totally sweet!

I remember being like that - I am sending a cyber hug too if it's not too weird.

I remember having CJ back for the whole summer holidays (like nearly every day for 5 months) and then he'd go back to Uni for 3 months and I'd see him once a week maybe at a stretch.

Some people just don't get it lol.

I hope you have a fab time in London :)

God's Rock Angel said...

P.s. on the being in the UK-ness - ask Alex to download and save the Torchwood episodes that were on last week. (they are a little creepy in places but I promise you well worth the effort)

I heard that they are being shown on BBC America at the end of July but if they are then you will be here and will miss them :(

I would offer to download them for you but then that would be weird because how would I get them to you..... (BTW Spattergroit is an awesome CD and I think I may have to review it!)

Sam Y said...

*sends a cyberhug*
Don't worry though. You'll make it through the next two weeks :)
And I'm a total crier too. I cry at everything. So you're not alone there :)
Just hang in there!

Ravenclaw2313 said...

*hugs* Letting go is always hard. Try not to think about the time you will have to leave London. 2 months is a long time, long enough to get routines, discover new things, and change the world around you. Live those months in the present and they will last much longer. When they are over you can worry about what to do next.

Obviously you and Alex handle the long distance issue quite well. The time will come when that distance goes away, but until then smile and remember that you are both willing to keep ungodly hours just to talk on Skype.

muse88 said...

Kristina - it sucks, and I'm sorry. I don't know how to console you, but things can only get better right? Busy yourself for the next two weeks, then hit London for some funtimes!!

If anything get a chuckle from this 13 year old style humour...

My word verification is bonero.

lemonfairycake said...

Here's another hug *hug* I know how you feel about the distance thing. I live in England and my best friend lives in New Zealand, so that's pretty much as far apart as we can get lol. But I'm going to NZ next week so I also know the exciting part of seeing them soon.
:)

I hope you have such a wonderful time when you get to London. Don't be too sad now, things are going to get better <3

p.s. I cry at everything too, so you're not alone there either! hehe.

Katherine said...

Okay, so instead of doing laundry or taking my bike to shop to get it fixed I am going to curl up in a bll with blanket and finish Torchwood, and get ready to cry like crazy at it. Why has everyone finished it before me, this is getting weird.

I am so sorry you are so sad right now, I can completely understand why you are so broken up about everything and I wish you didn't have to be. I don't even know what to say to make you feel better, because I still haven't figured out what will make me feel better about the fact that my best friend is two states away from me and I haven't seen her more than 5 times in the last 3 years. Alex is across the world from you and he's your boyfriend. I am sorry.

This is cute and I hope it makes you smile a little: http://community.livejournal.com/splodefromcute/1358579.html

seurat2 said...

You know you're going to make yourself crazy if you start worrying about September already. Keep living in the moment, the pretty much entirely happy moments like you've been having, and worry about September when you get there. i'm sure your frinds will be extra nice to you then to try to make up for the separation. You have awesome friends.

oxiigen said...

I feel you Kristina, hang in there! Sometimes crying can be therapeutic...it just lets all your emotion out, y'know? Anyway, this blog reminded me that my boyfriend and I are going to be separated in a month because he's going away to college while I'm still a senior...:((( I know that's maybe different because he wasn't LIVING with me, but still...it's hard :( but you'll be able to get through it, don't worry! We all love you! :)
<333

Jennifer said...

Just think about how LUCKY you are. Some of us who are in long distance relationships don't get to see our significant others as often or as much as you and yours get to see each other. Be thankful for what you have, and look forward to the future and a time when you'll be able to live together (assuming that's where you're heading).

Mush said...

"Parting is such sweet sorrow" - that willie shakespeare knew what he was on about. The leaving bit is never good, and long distance relationships have their fair share of partings. But the next time ye meet, and well any reunions in a long distance loveship are always the sweetest. That first kiss in the arrivals hall of the airport, that incredible feeling of safety and warmth of the first hug, the fact that you get to reply "firsts" of anything, makes the whole distance thing fade to insignificance while you have them there with you.

I'm lucky that the next time I see my fella, it's for keeps, but we've had our fair share of partings and reunions in the 11 months he's lived in Rome so I feel like I can understand what you're feeling right now. You know it'll be better :D

PS my captcha? stringe - what you get when the hairdresser cuts you're fringe strangely :)

Mush said...

PPS the line "the fact that you get to reply "firsts" of anything" should read "the fact that you get to REPLAY "firsts" of anything"

Rosianna said...

I love you Kristina. It makes me sad that you're sad. But the captcha for this comment is mychu, so it's like captcha codes are trying to be Pokémon just for you. See you in Londres!

kissesaredelicious said...

Aw, I feel for you! My fiance and I went through a year of long distance. Granted, at least we were still in the same country, but he was 8 hours away by bus and we both had school/work that prevented us from seeing each other as much as we would've liked. Honestly though, I think going through the whole long distance thing makes the couples who survive it SO much stronger in the end. I feel very secure in my relationship with Steve partly because being long distance was a challenge, and we made it through unscathed. No cheating, no "I can't do this anymore!" teary eyed fights... and honestly, the time passes before you know it. And then in the end it's so, so wonderful when you finally get to be together and you know you'll never have to be apart again. Take heart, I promise the sucky part you're going through now is worth it!

Bianca23 said...

Reading this makes me sad too :( I really hope the 2 weeks will fly by and you will be with Alex again soon. Don't think about September yet. It's still so far away and it will only make you more sad. All I can say is that you're loved by many people and I'm thinking of you sweetie (hopefully that didn't sound too creepy..)

Oh and I'm a big crier too, so I know what you mean. We criers are just more in touch with our emotions I guess.

cassiumpotassium said...

This reminds me of the time I was dating a boy & we dated for two monts & then I had to move to Texas. Well, he lived in Alaska. So, it was extremely hard. I balled my eyes out & was depressed yadayada. I had really gotten attatched because like you said, you get used to things in two months.

Hang in there though. :] Two weeks will go by faster than you think!

cassie.

Tilly said...

I know how you feel. My boyfriend lives slightly closer but I only get to see him for maybe six days every three months. As a result, though, I think we appreciate each other / love each other / understand each other a million times more than any other couple our age. Looking at it that way helps me. Also, a disgustingly thorough scrapbook.

Jacklyn said...

I've never had a boy before. Until a month ago. He's great to me. I'm 21 so a little behind in the whole dating scene, but he makes it so easy.
I'm out of town this weekend. just 2 nights. and I feel so lame that it's so hard to sleep on an uncomfortable couch and without his arms around me.
(I know it probably doesn't matter, but I feel like that makes me sound easy. we sleep together. talk and cuddle. touch and hug and nothing else :) )

we are the best definition of nerdfighterlike.

he even asked me out after watching a bunch of vlogbrothers together. :) until 6am.

Manda said...

I agree with the above people! Parting is hard... I had to do it for ages with my boyfriend who lived in the country, and I in the city... But I tell you what: it is wonderful to feel so intensely about someone else. Wonderfully painful, but it is emotion and it makes you know that you are in love.

You'll miss that when you two are old fuddies living together in 15 years lol. Just remember that!

pottercake said...

THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER. EVER. It sucks. So much. I know exactly what you mean. And I miss you. And why can't we suffer together IRL. Or something. Or all live happily ever after.

I love you. :(

I agree. It's so worth it. BUT SO FREAKING HARD.

Av4Packers said...

Kristina I'm sorry! You are exactly right though long distance is very much worth it. Also, the little routine things are the worst. I spend school breaks back home with my boyfriend of almost 5 years and the school year apart ( the LD has only been ~2 years) and the worst part every time it changes is getting back into my school-by-myself routine.

And now I'm crying thinking about how much that sucks... <3

Shannancy said...

This is for you *hugsqueeze*

that is all.
<3

Johanna said...

I totally cried last night when I watched the goblet of fire. Once, at the same place as you and then when Cedric's dad was yelling "that's my boy! that's my son..." when he died. Ugh, it killed me.

Even though I'm a stranger, I really hope you feel better. I understand the feeling.

Chelsea said...

That sucks. If it helps, you guys had a REALLY awesome performance at the Pottercast show on Saturday! My older sister who had never really heard any wrock before kept going on about how much she liked the Parselmouths! Everyone really enjoyed the song where you invite Harry to join the band. :)

Emma said...

Kristina- I hope you feel better. But I think the best thing about long distance relationships is how great it always is the see them again. JUst think how great it will be for you to see Alex again and how happy you'll both be- you wouldn't get that if you lived together- I think long distance relationships really force you to make the most of the time you have in a way you don't have in a "normal" relationship. Also, I am sure that your parents will not be the only people picking you up at the airport. I hope you have an amazing time in London and get to spend lots and lots of time with Alex. Also, although long distance relationships can sometimes suck, seriously, you have a British boyfriend, which is pretty freaking cool and you have a direct connection into a another culture which is really awesome.

TarahPaintsDaisies said...

Oh Kristina, it makes me sad to see that you're not your normal cheery and sunny and happy self. Just take one day at a time, get through these two weeks and then while you're in London don't rob yourself of the opportunity to have an incredible time by worrying about what it's going to be like when you go back home.

I know all the time in between sucks, badly, but like you said, it's totally worth it.

Until you get there, eat a lot of chocolate. In the words of Professor Lupin, it helps. REALLY helps. :D

Jerry Cooke said...

Aww, Tina *hug*

I'd totally come welcome you home at the airport when you get back, but for the cost of me flying out, back, round and round to do so, I could invest in that teleporter I'm always raving about. <3

ThatAmbergirl said...

*hugs*
I've done long distance before, and the leaving is always so rough. No matter how long you're going to be apart, especially if you don't know when you'll see each other again. And of course you know you'll be seeing him in a couple of weeks, but as you said, AFTER that...and after the next time, and the next time...
The thought of the leaving part over and over again is horrible.

Of course it's lovely and amazing when you actually get to be with them and have the time together, and you get to do all of the things that "short-distance" couples do, and you fall into those comfortable routines, and just the tiny, day to day things that short-distance can take for granted at times...and when you/they leave again, it just...sucks.

*hugs*

<3

Maddy said...

I wish I knew what to say to help. *cyber hug* I really hope you start to cheer up soon, Kristina <3

Tesni said...

Hey Kristina. reading your blog I dissolved into tears too. I'm a crier like you, I cry ridiculously easily, often at stupid things.

However I know how it feels to have to say goodbye after adapting a routine. It's so hard, and the house feels so empty. Right now I miss my boyfriend more than ever, and he lives only 4hours away. My granny was taken to hospital last night and is having a partial hip replacement today, and although its a routine op, its risky as she's so old- 89. I'm terrified she'll die,and she's lived with us since I was 4, so almost 16 years, to not have her here anymore would leave such a massive hole. I'm sat here alone wanting Josh to make me feel better and reassure me. So reading your blog made me even more emotional than i've already been today. Not really sure why I'm saying all this, but just needed to share.

I love reading your blog, its lovely to hear about your adventures and moments in your day that have amused you or upset you etc.

Enjoy London. I hope you visit Bath (where Charlie lives- and I live :P) because its beautiful and every tourist in England should visit the Roman Baths.

- Tesni

shake off the sparkle said...

I've been a silent reader for a while now, but reading this blog post made me want to post a quick reply.

I would say 'Two weeks isn't such a long time,' but I know that wouldn't help one little bit so I just hope they go quickly and you enjoy your time in London!

Nat said...

I'm with you on that page, totally. I'm in a long-distance relationship too; and every time one of us has to leave it's so hard.

We see each other every 2 months or so. Sometimes it has to be more... And we're not THAT far apart... He lives in the UK and I'm studying and working in Spain. The only time we get to spend more than a long weekend together re summer, Xmas and Easter. Saying goodbye gets harder every time.

I've read a comment that said to just enjoy this month you're going to be in the UK, you will cross the other bridge after that. And I think that's a good option. These next two weeks you can try and keep yourself busy... write a little... watch Harry Potter... again, and again, ad again. Once in England, I'm sure you and Alex will talk about next visits and where your relationship is heading to. If Alex isn't in uni he might consider moving to the US for some time... And then, when you finish uni... you can both talk about what you're going to do. Are you moving there, is he moving to yours... Or you could just compromise and go to Australia....

I hope you feel better soon, though. And crying isn't a bad thing :) Although I'm a crier, and and I get really frustrated when my body decides to cry when I'm angry... But that's how your boddy releases the stress, I guess :)

wow... sorry about the long post.

Nally said...

Look how many people want you to feel better!
40!
Well, 41 if you count me.
*Cyber-hug*

annakelly said...

what are you and alex gonna do? is he moving to the u.s. or are you moving to london or are you guys just gonna visit on school vacations?
im just wondering im not trying to be nosy or anything. :)

annakelly said...

does alex have a blog too?

annakelly said...

what are you and alex gonna do? is he moving to the u.s. or are you moving to london or are you guys just gonna visit on school vacations?
im just wondering im not trying to be nosy or anything. does alex have a blog too?

:)

All I can say is that you're loved by many people and I'm thinking of you sweetie (hopefully that didn't sound too creepy..)

Oh and I'm a big crier too, so I know what you mean. We criers are just more in touch with our emotions I guess.

*hugs and kisses* (in the most non-weird way possible) :]

said...

The best thing is to enjoy the moment as much as you can, don't think too much about what's going to happen. After those two months, you have to think positive, you'll be together again soonor or later, but I understand it's difficult. <3

janitorbud said...

=(
if we were friends, i'd be there to get you

Don'tDisappear said...

My sister and her boyfriend are doing the whole long distance thing too (England to MN), and they say that it's really hard but definitely worth it. So just hang in there, and enjoy all of the time that you guys get to share. If it's meant to work, then all will be figured out in the end.

kira902k said...

*HUGGSS*
I know that you will be able to make it through these two weeks, and then when you are in england with Alex, everything will be great again, with your routines and snuggles and cereal.
And when you have to come back to Seattle, then you will deal with that then. Just focus on the great time you'll have in less than 2 weeks. <3

eibbore said...

This sounds awful but it just shows how much you like him. Don't ever feel bad about being an emotional person. What you you rather have: cry at everything or not cry at all?

My mum asked me the other day if I would cry at her funeral. I didn't know what to say. I didn't need to say anything she knew the answer. It's not that I'm a horrible person I just don't get emotional. Death is part of life. It's awful and sad but I just don't show that.

Your crying shows that you love him and will miss him. That's great that you can be so open.

Joshington said...

You cried at the last episode? Why not the fourth one when Ianto died? And Jack is back next season and is in Doctor Who Xmas episode(s) so yay!