Who is Shakespeare?

"I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind all these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music
And it breaks my heart."
-Regina Spektor, "Fidelity"

So last night, after working furiously to get all my stuff done, I watched FlashForward with my housemates Justin and PJ (show = still awesome) and then we watched the Office. After the Office, there was this commercial for "Subtle Sexuality" and we didn't know what that was, so after a bit of Google searching, Justin and I found this series of 3 webisodes directed by the girl who plays Kelly; the third of which you can see right here. I now completely understand Hayley's recent obsession with Mindy Kaling, because I find this video to be absolutely amazing. Justin was like, "Calm down Kristina, it's just a video." But I mean, it's everything I adore. Fun and silly pop music, cheesy hilarious lyrics, and a ridiculous video with costumes? And THE OFFICE? I have watched it three times through and left it open in a browser so I can watch it again. Haha.

In other news, Matt and Justin of wizard rock star god fame came over last night for some good 'ol hanging out, and about the time we prooobably should have gone to sleep, we decided to go walk to the pizza place near our house. On the way there we decided to stop at our local sort of quaint English pub for a pint. Then we got pizza. Then we came home and ordered more pizza. Needless to say, I didn't get to sleep until about 4 in the morning but we had a FUN night.

Eia was complaining about needing to write this paper on Feminism, and Matt snatched her computer and decided to write it for her. What he ended up writing did not in fact get turned in to Eia's class today, so I have requested permission from the both of them to publish it here, because it was too good to not do anything with.

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Who…. Is…. Shakespeare?! - by Matt Maggiacomo

This question has haunted generations of inquisitive English majors. Why? Because most English majors are male, specifically male pacifists, which is another way of saying that most English majors are male pacifists.

Shakespeare was a male, first and foremost. In the context of his particular socioeconomic context, his maleness endowed him with certain privileges, such as the ability to have a penis.

While writing plays was certainly a focus of Shakespeare’s life, he also enjoyed gazing at things. Due to the fact that he had a penis, his gaze was different from that of females and therefore had significance and therefore is relevant to this essay.

The male gaze is a myth that has been perpetuated by liberal college professors for many decades. While reality dictates that men are just as likely to be shy and introverted as certain women, or as meat-loving and pigskin worshipping as certain other women, liberal college professors contend that all men have lasers for eyes and these lasers enable men to control women and their sexuality. While most healthy relationships involve an equal partnership between two people regardless of gender, the liberal college professor prefers to perpetuate the myth that all relationships occur between a male and a female and all females are inherently powerless due to the fact that all men supposedly possess these laser eyes I was just talking about. About which I was just talking.

Whateva. Get over it for fuck’s sake. You did a great job in college and that’s why you have this job. I assume that you’re intelligent enough to think for yourself, rather than simply rehash this ridiculous theory that people with penises have laser eyes. If you truly believe that then you should stop reading so much crappy science fiction.

Have a lovely Friday everyone! :)
And check out my new Fiesta video, because I am quite proud of it. It's my last mission video!