Sunday, October 11, 2009

The good vs. the great.

I am at work, doing a 7.5 hour shift.
There are no managers here today though, so here I am on the internet, bloggin' it up!

My mind has been all over the place lately.

I took Eia out the other day in my Fiesta to begin her manual car driving lessons. It felt really, really good knowing that not only is this something that I conquered in my life, but I am actually good enough now to teach someone else how to do it. I also realized that somewhere down the road I stopped finding new routes to take (sans hills) a little while ago. I've just been driving my normal ways, which is.. really nice.
I also found out I get to keep the car for a month longer than I expected, and then have to drive it to LA to give it back, which is going to be fun and exciting. Overall, this whole fiestamovement thing has been a really positive experience for me. I learned how to do something I never thought I would be able to, and I've grown to really enjoy driving. I never cared too much for it before all of this. I have been trying to find ways to utilize the last two months... so don't be surprised if I start writing about a lot of little random impromptu trips.

Also, NaNoWriMo is coming up suprisingly quickly.
I am going to be very incredibly busy in November, but if I could do it last year (when the odds were seriously stacked against me) then I can totally do it this year. Even with Wrockstock right in the middle. Even with a road trip to LA toward the end of the month.

I have just a skeleton of an idea for a novel, but I think it's enough to go on. Plus, Liz is coming down to visit tomorrow so we can go see Scott Westerfeld on his Leviathan book tour (which I am certain will be inspiring because he's one of my favorite authors). Liz is then spending the night, and she and I can talk about our novels for hours so this should be good for us.

There is something else that recently happened in my life that almost feels a little too good to be true so I hadn't written about it yet... but now I think I will.
A few years ago (just after high school) I dated this guy named Justin. He and I broke up on pretty amicable terms and were still best friends (and carpooled to school every day) for nearly another year afterwards. But then a few things happened in his life, and he completely shut me (and everyone else in our friend group that went along with me) out of his. There was really nothing I could do, as it was his choice, so I just went on with my life (even though it was really hard for me) hoping someday, maybe, he'd let me back in his.
To be honest, I had pretty nearly given up hope. But the other day, my good friend Colin (another close mutual friend to both of us who'd been shut out as well) called me to say that low and behold, they'd spoken on the phone. And that Justin was doing well and had broken up with his girlfriend and was getting his life back on track.

My heart started racing and I had butterflies in my stomach, thinking that maybe that meant he would answer a call from me too. He hadn't returned my calls or texts or anything since the previous summer. I waited a few days, and, losing my nerve, merely sent a text. I didn't expect him to reply. For a few hours, he didn't.

But then, later that evening when I was out grocery shopping with roommate-Justin (confusing), he did.
Recieving a text from him felt all too familiar and I was honestly getting shaky when I saw the message was from him because I was scared of what he might say. It was one of those movie moments that you never think are going to happen in real life. Long lost friend re-entering your life months and months after the fact? Yeah right. What if he didn't want anything to do with me?

I set down my shopping cart, milk sloshing and nectarines rolling out of their plastic bag as I fumbled with my cell phone. The gist of the message was that he realized how wrong a lot of his decisions had been, he had a much better grip on his life, he wanted to apologize to me for being a crummy friend in person, and could we hang out?



I feel like my life is coming full circle in a good way. I saw a PostSecret today that said "I'm realizing sometimes you have to lose the good things in life to make room for the great things."

This struck a chord with me, because that statement is so completely true. I may have felt like I lost a "good thing" when Alex and I broke up (and then completely stopped speaking), but it looks as though I'm about to get a great part of my life back. Justin and I are meeting on Wednesday. :)

Anyway, life always has a funny way of working out.
Someone sent me a message a few weeks ago saying that reading my blog had made her look at her own break-up and realize she wasn't hurting anymore. She told me that I was going to have a moment like that too, and when it happened I wouldn't even believe I was ever that upset.

I honestly thought it would take a lot longer for that to happen. I mean, you were all there with me. I was a MESS. And it wasn't that that long ago.

But... I feel really okay now. I am not sad, I do not miss him, and the things I have going on in my life are really, really great. So here's to the rest of my life. It's going to be awesome.

I'm happy!

68 comments:

theoryoferin said...

glad to see you truly happy again, kristina!

good luck with nano this year!

kim said...

I'm really happy for you Kristina. I really am.

loveacrosstheocean said...

AH! Such a freaking feel good entry, kristina! I'm so happy for you, and although probably every one reading feels that way, I genuinely am excited for you. I'm sure the LA trip is going to be ridiculous, and I'm anxious for you and justin to meet up. I'm so happy you're happy, you deserve it.
<3

ginger jones said...

I love those kinds of moments. I'm glad everything is going awesome for you.

Chloe said...

I've been reading your blog for ages now and never commented, but I had to for this entry, it is SUCH a feel good entry!
I'm so happy for you, you really do deserve to be feeling this great about your life <3
Oh, and good luck with nanowrimo!

partyweetow said...

Yay! I'm so happy for you. :)

MegTao said...

I'm happy you're happy. Somehow, it made my day better. Thanks for that little dose of hope.

Marissa said...

This brightened my day. I am glad you are doing better and that you realize you're better off without Alex. Because, really, you are.

I didn't want to say it when you were dating, because I don't personally know either of you, and while I still don't personally know either of you, I'm going to say that he always just seemed like a douche.

And you just seem like the sweetest person in the world, so you are much better off without him. :)

Hilary said...

Yay, I'm happy for you. Really, I'm glad.

And I kinda want to thank you, because I took your advice, and since I'm at college, I'm trying to get out and experience everything. The internet doesn't always need to be there. :)

Han said...

Wow! Seattle to LA that a fairly decent road trip - I guess thats like a farewell tour hehe.

I would love a fiesta - when you were in the UK you should have come to Bedford - I swear there are so many Fiestas lol.

There are at least nine of ten just in my work car park - i feel the need to run around with my camera and start taking pictures of them - as like a momento for you hehe

Ansley said...

Kristina Horner, you GMH. <3.

In a daze said...

Dude, this is an awesome blog post. I never usually comment but I can really relate to this and that's one awesome message on that postsecret. Yay for being happy! :)

Hema said...

im happy that you're happy! haha i dont really know why, but i am :)

sirandytaylor said...

So glad to hear you've learned the secret to being happy.
I learnt it last year and it hasn't left me, even now when I'm in the crappier times of my life.

Keep going
We all love you!

ultrageneric said...

I'm so happy for you! And I agree, life has a peculiar way of working out.

I'm still a mess over my most recent break up, tbh. Reading this entry gave me hope that one day it'll stop hurting, so thank you for that. <3

I sincerely hope things work out between you and your friend! You're awesome.

Steve said...

it's good to see that you're happy again. Even though i don't actually know you, i feel like i've got to know you a tiny little bit through this blog and your videos.
I've had 2 or three friends completely disappear over that last few years who i would give almost anything to talk to again.
Also, i'm doing NaNoWriMo for the first time this year, still no idea what i'm doing though...

Strawberry79 said...

i'm happy you're happy, kristina!
italktosnakes is made of awesome =)

Katie said...

This entry made me smile because it's so positive and I'm glad that everything is looking up for you. :D

Jackieh :] said...

I couldn't be happier for you, honestly.
:)

barefootfiona said...

How amazing is it that thoguh we've never met, I genuinely feel joy at your joy, and I sincerely wish you happiness? It's incredible that I can care for your happiness though I live across the pond.

Life is funny like that sometimes.
:D

Arden said...

That's really great that you're back in touch with your old boyfriend! I have a few friends that I've lost touch with over the years that I wish I had the courage to talk to again.

And I've been hearing about NaNoWriMo for years, and I think this year I'm finally going to do it, if only so that I can say "in my Freshman year of college, I wrote a novel"

Abby said...

Three years ago, my best friend was somebody I knew over the internet, but neither of us were in a position where we could tell our parents about each other. She sent me an email one day, out of the blue, telling me that she had to stop talking to me because she couldn't keep lying to her parents. I lost my best friend, somebody who knew me better than I knew myself, cold turkey. It tore me apart.
Six months ago, she signed back into AIM and apologized, saying that she broke down and realized I was better for her than anything. I still don't talk to her but once every couple months, but having her back has been wonderful.

The point of this story is that I know how you feel. Losing a friend sucks, and having them back is never the same. But when my best friend came back to me, I realized that I had finally made some real friends by stopping to talk to her on the internet all day, every day. Sometimes you have to lose the good things in life to make room for the great things

Anyway, I'm truly glad you're happy. Justin returning has been a blessing for you, just as your time with Alex was. Keep smiling, love.

Allison said...

Yay! I'm happy you're happy! Happy is a good thing :) And that's very cool that your friend Justin came back into your life! (Though confusing with housemate-Justin, lol... I thought you were talking about him at first...)

Krazy_4_Kelly said...

Yayyyy, I'm so happy for you Kristina =D I hope everything works out when you see Justin again and I'm so glad that you are feeling better and aren't sad anymore. Hopefully everything just keeps getting better for you =]

Rivvy said...

*HUGS* So happy for you that things are looking up! Thank you for sharing these private parts of your life with us, because I think you help a lot more people than you realize. :) You have a ton of faithful blog readers, and we laugh with you, cry with you, and rejoice with you. I think many of us feel that we know you even if we've never spoken to you directly.

Thanks for writing such an awesome blog! :D

seurat2 said...

You have no idea how happy I felt reading the last couple paragraphs of this blog. It brightened my day.

Also, sorry about the Antarctica trip. I managed to vote twice (two email addresses so no rule breaking). I would have loved reading about your adventure there, but I guess it wasn't to be. Finally, glad you have the car for an extra month. I really think Ford should reward a couple of you by giving you the car to keep.

The Vagabond said...

Impromptu trip entries? Yes, please!

I'm really glad that you're happy. It was hard to know that you were sad. I'm glad you are better :-)

Cadisawi said...

A lot of us watch people on the internet like TV shows, we feel like we know people but we really don't so I hope you don't get mad at what I say next since I'm going off what I know.

I really hope you and Alex go back to being friends at some point. It just seems like such a great loss. I mean you must have had a strong relationship to work on it overseas and, I'd hate to see anyone lose something like that. Just like this new/old friend coming back, you were upset then no doubt but you're so happy at the possibility of having him back in you're life.

This may be presumptuous but I've lost so many friends in my life because I can't help but remember bad times and I don't want anyone else to deal with that.

hgwrts4evr said...

I usually never leave comments on people's blogs, but I felt compelled to leave one for this post. At this moment in my life I can totally relate to a lot of the things you talked about in this post(especially the friend thing). I'm at the same point as you, where I finally feel like my life is getting back on track and I feel happy again. That feeling is completely priceless. I'm glad things are looking up for you :)

Kris said...

It's so good to hear you say that you're happy again. I worried for awhile there, as I too know the pain of a broken heart and ending on bad terms. I won't say that I know exactly what you went through, but I think I have an idea.

I'm really glad that you're getting a friend back into your life. I went through a similar situation with a girlfriend of mine who all of a sudden shut every single person who cared about her out...I'm still waiting for her to come around, unfortunately. But your situation with Justin gives me hope. =)

Raven Zoe said...

Man, that's awesome. I'm so glad you feel this way! :) You rock, Tina.

Ravenclaw2313 said...

You post at work and I read and comment at work. Such is life. Glad to hear you're looking forward to NaNoWriMo cause honestly I am terrified. Excited to be sure but mostly terrified. I've never written a novel before.

So glad to see a truly happy post. It has been awhile and we so love to see you happy. Sounds like you have a chance to reconnect with a really great friend. I wish you the best of luck.

PS Looks like you might have to adopt Haley's idea and call the guys Justin and housemate.

Chrystie said...

Yay for Kristina! I'm so glad that things are working out and looking up. Isn't it weird when things happen in real life that are movie worthy. you just feel it's too good to be true. but, as you said, things just have a way of working out. this makes me genuinely happy for you! i'm glad things are going great :) you're always such an inspiration. You enjoy that little things in life and see everything as a challenge and adventure. I've noticed that just be reading about that, i tend to view my life more that way too, which is a good thing. so, thanks!

xSushixPackx said...

Aww man, YOU GO KRISTINA. This entry just made me so happy, I'm glad things are working out for you :D Good luck with NaNoWriMo!

xxTIFFANYxx said...

Kristina, this right here made my day even better, and I SERIOUSLY thought that it couldn't get any better.

I hope you know how much your happiness affects me along with so many other people.

Keep on smiling, everyone loves it when you do. :]

TessaBessa said...

that's great news to hear kristina!

Sarah McLeroy said...

I'm so glad you are feeling happy. I read along with all your blogs over the summer, and although I never posted (I always feel dumb, and like I don't have anything important to say) I was sending you good thoughts and karma points the whole time.
I'm also glad you are reconnecting with an old friend, and I hope it is all perfect, but I hope you don't get your hopes too high. A few years is a long time, and people change. Hopefully your friendship can be as strong as ever, but it will probably be different, not that that is a bad thing.

And...I can't wait to meet you at Wrockstock. I hope that doesn't sound stalker or weird or anything, but I bet you get it a lot. I promise I won't follow you around the whole weekend or anything.

Mackenzie Paradzik said...

Yay! Happy Kristina! I love it when everything is awesome! Glad you're feeling better, and I hope you have a good time with Justin :) You know what they say, 'When one door closes, another one opens' Look at it that way :)

hpforme said...

Great blog today. I totally adore PostSecret and I remember that postcard. Makes you open your a little.

Kaitlyn w/ a K said...

I'm so happy for you. I'm also in awe that you managed to bounce back already. Yay!!!

Also, I thought it might amuse you to know that I read this blog on my phone while I was supposed to be paying attention to a Catholic church service. :-P

Queen of darkness said...

I love it when old friends reunite, this happened to me and my current best friend she used to be my neighbour and welimb trees in her backyard until she moved away and we were to young to ask for each others phone numbersso we lost contact then on the first day of high school she was in my home room and came up to me and asked if I remembered her ofcourse I did, so I no it's a great feeling when you find your old friends. Im glad your happy :-)plus i think lots of people have a lost friend story so everyone can relate

coolhandjohnny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
coolhandjohnny said...

wow, you read PostSecret, too? coolness!

and isn't it good, that moment when you realize you're over your last relationship? i loved that feeling

euphonious said...

Aw, I have that PostSecret as my background since I just made a spontaneous life choice to live for at least three years in England. The good things are good, but sometimes they really can hold you back.

:)
Glad to read that you're doing well.
<3

Hege said...

Good to hear you're happy again ! Enjoy the moments you have :)

Elizabeth... said...

Happy is definitely the state to be in! I'm happy for you for being happy.
Also, good luck with the NaNoWriMo, that thing looks far too intense to be healthy!
:D

Maddy said...

Yay, that's so awesome that things are really looking up. I am genuinely happy for you; I read your blog regularly, and I feel like I somehow know you though we've never actually spoken. It makes me sad when you're not doing well, so I am really glad to see that you're happy. :)

Emily said...

I kind of know how you feel with the whole Justin thing. Just a week ago, I got a message apologizing from a boy who has been shutting me out. He later called and we had a two-hour conversation just chatting and catching up and it was really nice to have that friendship starting over again.

I'm glad you're looking back at Alex and moving on. I can't wait for the day when I can honestly say that I don't miss my ex. I know it's coming ... sometimes I just wish it would get here sooner. But that is really awesome that you are to that point!

Jane said...

You are amazing.

And my life is a little bit better for you being in it. (At least in the blog-reading/video-watching/person-I've-never-met-but-care-about sense.)

You deserve all the greatest things in life, and I hope-- nay-- know you will get them.

VicMorrowsGhost said...

HAPPY HAPPY! JOY JOY! XD

It's funny, I load your blog up and the posts look so long and I think, can I really read all that? But I start reading and before I know it I have... and I want more! :)

slinkyT1991 said...

I'm glad your happy Kristina thats great to hear.

omgitslouise said...

I'm glad you're happy! Good luck with NaNoWriMo! :] <3

jamesblogs said...

That is so good to hear. Lol you're gonna be so close with NaNoWriMo but i reckon you can do it :)

thisiscarlye said...

I am SO glad to hear that you're feeling happy again! Your blog post today just made me feel so good and honestly I think reading your blog is helping me deal with a few things in my life as well. It's comforting to know that others are going through similar things and pulling through alright :)

imagryffindork said...

well whudda ya know? happiness isnt a warm gun afterall...

we're all really glad youre happy again <3

have fun with NaNo!

Nathalie said...

Great news!!! I've been reading your blog for a while and hoping you'd feel happy again soon. When you stop to think about it, life really is amazing, isn't it? one day we might feel sad to lose something and be left with an empty space, the next someone else comes along an uses that space to be part of your life and make your days brighter.
oh, and good luck with all the plans and trips! enjoy it all!

Martin said...

It's good to see that you're happy. It's weird because I've just went through a pretty messy breakup shortly after you an Alex broke up. I'm still not at the stage that I'm totally happy but you just go to show that it's totally worth holding out for, everything comes in full circle. :]

Thanks.

p.s Good luck with NaNoWriMo! It's my second year and I'm going to try and put so much effort in because I only made it to 35,000 words last year!

Michaela said...

I'm very happy for you!! :)

runswithwands said...

Gah, I can't wait to have a moment like that. IDK if I ever will b/c it was a 9 year relationship.. 2 years being engaged. I really hope to get to the point where I can move past it, but it's been almost 2 weeks since it happened and I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though yours and Alex's relationship was shorter than mine (and I don't mean that in a condescending way at all) I still look to you for hope, because you're moving on. So just know you're an inspiration to me and my broken heart! I'm glad you're finally starting to feel truly happy again.

Emma said...

Kristina, I'm really happy for you. I feel a little creepy saying that since you don't know me and I don't know you, but I'm happy you're happy, I can't wait to hear more about Justin, all your roadtrips, and your novel.

Larangutang said...

Nano is going to be awesome this year. I'm sure everybody who reads your blog is happy that you're happy. Life really does have a funny way of working out.

Carlotta Jones said...

I love how easily happiness spreads. If one person shares an experience of happiness, then somehow everyone feels that same joy. They can interpret it in any way they like.

nicoleeeyyynyquil09 said...

Wow I can really relate to you about that Kristina. Just recently an old friend of mine came back into my life. It's so wonderful and im glad your happy again.

I bet your going to go to Disneyland when you have to take the car back to L.A. lol.

:)

Rosie said...

I'm so happy for you ^^ <3

said...

I'm so happy for you :D It's great to see you like this again :)

Elayne said...

This is sooo good. I'm so glad that you are having this new/old friend in your life again.

And I can identify with the break up thing. I loved that moment when I could look back and realize that I was really and truly over him.

Good luck with the future!

tigger4ev33 said...

i'm so confused! you were dating alex day? i thought you were dating luke! do you still want to be mrs. nerimon? but i am really happy for you. me and my boyfriend just broke up so probably a great thing is coming!

Dante Mallet said...

Hi Kristina! I'm glad that you're happy. I really enjoyed reading your blog. It is a very inspiring story. Life is like a long hour of driving and you can get lost. If you come to that situation, you can feel so hopeless that you desperately want to reach the place you want to go to. But on the other hand, that journey is a great experience and it can turn you into a stronger person. Don't be afraid to love again. There's nothing wrong with loving and sharing your life to him. Love will make you vulnerable. I'm glad you don't rush things with Justin. Just do the things you want to do and enjoy life. It's better if you don't wait for his calls and text back. Give him a challenge, and show him how good your life is and how happy you are now.

Dante Mallet