Bad times.

Okay. Well. I'm unhappy.

This morning I was all ready to walk out the door to head to the airport; to fly to Dublin, meet Eia, and have a really fun three days.

That's not exactly the way it's happening now.

I checked my phone before putting it in my bag, and saw I had two missed texts from Eia. Turns out she went to get on her flight to Dublin and they tried to charge her an extra 180 pounds for some reason or another and now she's stranded in Edinburgh. So she won't be meeting me in Dublin because she didn't get on her flight, because 180 pounds in extra fees is ridiculous. I had no time to even sort anything out with her; I feel awful because she's just sitting in Scotland without a plan, and the worst part is, she might not be able to afford to go to Paris now.

I already booked my ticket to Paris.
And even if I just cut my losses and skip Paris; come back to London from Rome early, I don't really have anywhere to stay for a few days because Emma is moving.

I was already nervous to be going to Dublin, and with these added problems, I just kind of had a break down in the passenger seat of Emma's car on the way to Heathrow. I called my parents, even though it was 3 in the morning for them, and cried to them about how much I hate this trip and how sick I am of all the plans I make falling apart. Especially since most of the plans were made as an attempt to try to turn this trip around into a good experience instead of a painful one.

I don't know if I can do this anymore. I really have appreciated everyone telling me how strong I am and how great it is that I am persevering or whatever, but I feel pretty fucking weak right now. Maybe it's just the way I write that makes me sound like I am handling things really well, but I don't feel like I deserve the praise. I want to go home.

But I know how shitty it feels to be left on your own in this country when you were counting on someone, so I can't just abandon Eia. I'm going to Dublin today. I'm getting on my flight in an hour and a half. I'm sorting out a taxi when I get there. I'm going to the RTE studio. I'll return to London on Friday and work things out so I can see her in Rome, or London, or wherever we end up working out a way to meet up.

Also, just as an aside, I also completely forgot Dublin uses Euros, so I wont have any money when I get there until I find an ATM, and I don't know if they use the UK outlets or the European ones so I don't know if I can charge anything electronic without spending MORE money on converters that I already have, sitting in a suitcase back in London. I also didn't bring any of my paperwork about flights and things so customs will be fun. Do you even do customs between London and Dublin? WHY AM I NOT MORE PREPARED?

The worst part of all of this, in this very moment I suppose, is that I am HUNGRY. And I am so sick of sandwiches. I walked around this entire terminal; Pret, Café Nero, the bookstore - all these places sell are stupid pre-packed sandwiches. I just want a bagel or something warm. I went into a pub and ordered Macaroni and Cheese off the kids menu, because everything else was too expensive, thinking it would come with chips or a drink or SOMETHING - no. Literally just watery butter noodles. Enough for a 5 year old. That cost me $7, awesome.

This blog has become the most depressing thing I can even imagine and I apologize to those of you still even reading it. I really thought this would be my great summer traveling adventure -- turns out it just sucks.

Days until I leave: NOT SOON ENOUGH.
Times I've had - oh who cares.