One of the scariest things about life, I'm finding, is that you need to be able to count entirely, 100% on yourself. You have to be able to be okay being alone, and be able to take care of yourself, make your own happiness, and not just completely fall apart if someone/something doesn't live up to the expectation you have for them. Even if those expectations aren't very high. This includes friends, school, jobs, boyfriends, everything.
This is something I've been struggling with.
Right now I am in the process of "growing up", learning to not be as dependent on my parents, graduating from college, considering career paths, having to think about money and credit and bills and insurance, thinking about where I want to live - and all of these things are scary. And a lot of times I feel like I am making all of these decisions completely on my own. Sometimes I still wish there was someone holding my hand through this hard stuff.
So it's really easy to then shift some of that weight to the other people in your life, if they're there. It makes it a lot easier (though not necessarily healthy) to base hard decisions in your life on other people. To see what steps they're taking in their lives. Or to count on them to make you feel better when you have too much going on. Or to even use your interaction with them as an escape from reality.
But you CAN'T rely that much on people. You just can't. At least I've never been able to. They have their own stuff going on, their plans may change in an instant, they forget to call or break your plans, they move out of the state; and then where does that leave you?
One thing that I am learning very quickly is that if you don't look out for yourself, no one else will. No one else is going to put you first. I mean, aside from your parents, but as a 22 year old, it's natural to want to not have to fall back on that for everything.
I've never had the courage to just make a drastic life change on my own before. I wanted to go to an out-of-state school for college, but ended up chickening out and staying in Washington. I wanted to study abroad in India for an entire quarter, but ended up doing a shorter month-long program in London, where I know loads of people. I want to try living in a new place after I graduate, but the idea of picking up and moving somewhere new all by myself terrifies me.
I don't want to be afraid to take big leaps. I quit my job last Tuesday because I want to start being the pro-active change I want to see in my own life. I worked there for 4 years and was really comfortable, and that's the very reason I quit. I wanted to take away my safety net. I want to force myself into new situations.
I'm getting cold feet about starting to live in "the real world" after graduation, but I don't want my fear of the unknown and of being alone to be my own downfall. On the same note, I also don't want my mediocre experiences with people in my past to impact my future ability to trust those around me. I don't want to end up as a Cat Lady, alone in my one bedroom apartment, cupboards stocked full of Spaghetti-os and Fancy Feast (ha, I've been reading Miss Hoover's blog. We both fear the Spaghetti-o lifestyle).
I don't really know what my point is. Basically, I am a little bit scared right now. I am trying to learn how to have utter confidence in myself so that when that scary time does get here, in less than six months, "myself" will be enough to keep me successful and happy. I'm tired of projecting my needs onto other people and allowing myself to be disappointed over and over.
I'm also unemployed, now. Which is more liberating than scary. I finally have time to actually dedicate to my school work. I can actually spend time working on music and videos and writing, instead of squeezing it in between school and work. I'm giving myself 6 months, to see if I can be successful without working, and then this fall, maybe I'll get an internship. Maybe I'll have written a book. Who knows. But I am tired of waiting around for something great to happen to me. I want to go make things happen for myself. :)
Chipotle burritos: 7
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2 days ago
54 comments:
In about 365 days I'll be in your position. Its scary to know how fast things can fall apart.
Until now, I've been planning to apply to officer candidate school this summer and ship off to a secure job with the military for a few years after graduation next may. In 10 seconds, I shredded my ACL and now have to wait 7 months before even becoming eligible to apply. At which point I'll be knee deep in senior year. I've never had an internship or worked in a lab, I don't have the 4.0 these other kids do. But what do we have if we can't just dive in and see what happens.
GOOD GIRL.
The very best people are those who are like this.
I hope when I am 22, I write this blog post (or have a conversation, or write a letter which is like it). It means that I will have an AMAZING life because I won't accept being comfortable as a reason not to try new things.
Okay you are totally not the only one who feels like this. I am about to graduate from college as well and I actually have a plan (I think I'm the only one so don't panic) but in order to do this plan I have to move literally across the country to a place where I know absolutely no one. While I am thrilled to have the opportunity (and its exactly what I feel I want) right now all I can feel is SCARED SHITLESS about the whole thing.
Both doing something for yourself and moving out of your comfort zone are terrifying things! Also, we are having to make lives in a time when the economy is not exactly on our side. I believe you can do it and although it will be hard, it will be worth it.
Good luck!
Growing up IS scary. And we always hear people say that but brush it off and say "Oh I can handle it. It can't be THAT bad." Until we actually have to do it ourselves. Employment-wise, I'm in almost the same position you are. I just quit my sort-of steady part-time job after 4 years, and it's quite a daunting feeling. It's been my safety net since I graduated high school and now it's gone. Now I'm working a steady full-time job in a completely different environment and I feel totally lost because it's new, and different from what I'm used to.
Taking a step out of your comfort zone is the best way to start working through this whole "being an adult" thing. Just know you're not alone, there are so many of us in the same boat right now.
I totally understand where you're coming from, Kristina. I've been working on the same things for so long, and this year (my junior year of college) I did a 180 on my career plans, which successfully delayed my graduation by an entire year. It's so scary thinking about going out there and doing things, but that always happens right before the next big step. Once you take it, you'll look back and think, "Why in the world did I think this would be so difficult?"
So just take everything one small step at a time and then you won't be stressed as much about the steep incline of the steps. :D You seem like a confident, independent girl and I think you are definitely capable of doing whatever you want to without depending on anyone else.
Good luck. :D
Ok, small point of correction. No matter where you go in this world - where you move, what you do, ect. - there are always people there you know. Well, maybe you don't know them, but these people know you. That's the beauty of this internet community - we're all here for each other, even though we're spread across the world. And when we get the chance to be in person, well, we're even better off, aren't we?
So no matter what happens, Kristina, you've got people there for you. Maybe you have to count on yourself - which is understandable. But there always will be people who can help when it all gets to be too much.
Congratulations, by the way. You're almost done!
Hi. Yes. I have read your blog for a while, but I don't think I've ever left a comment. So here goes.
I really understand exactly how you feel (which means that you explained yourself excellently, since I'm only in highschool =D)
The school that I go to now is my second home. The most wonderful friends I've ever had are there, and the atmosphere (while incredibly challenging and sometimes stressful) is amazing.
Pretty soon, I'll have to leave that place where I found myself and became completely comfortable with everything about me. And it's scary.
On the other hand, I look forward to the change, because it's a chance to sort of start over and discover even MORE about myself.
Anyway, that's about all I wanted to say. That I really connect with this blog post and your sentiments. Also, you have made me feel a little bit better about going to college. It won't be as scary as entering the "real" world. =)
OMG Kristina, I know how you feel all too well. I'm in the same boat as you, I graduate from college in December and I have no idea what to do after that. I'm trying to find a job but it's hard right now.
Don't worry, you're not the only one who's scared :)
this makes me want to start a slow clap and then get out and do something with my life.
you know what, i think im going to finish my nanowrimo. hitting 50 thousand and the shutting word for four months sucks. im doing it today.
thanks.
That terrifying freedom is still about seven years away for me right now, so I can't give you any legitimate advice except, well, GOOD LUCK.
Life is hard and maybe you shouldn't depend ENTIRELY on your friends, but know that they're always there if you need them. I hope. Obviously, I don't know your friends. But you know. xD
Hakuna Matata and best wishes.
-alex
I'm seventeen, and I'm moving out of my parents house (and state) by this fall. My Aunt offered me a job, so I'm living with her while I complete 6 months of school for it. I've lead a pretty darn sheltered life, and I'm absolutely terrified. And, I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half... like literally 10 minutes before reading this. Life feels like the most uncertain thing ever right now.
What I'm trying to work on is... not overthinking. Trying to take everything lightly, otherwise I know I'll never make it through life without driving myself up a wall. And trying to comfort myself by saying "Everyone else takes care of these things in life, so can I".
I also have an irrational fear of driving, which I'm trying to overcome in time for school in the Fall (since I'll be driving there and back). Maybe me saying that will brighten your spirits, since you're not that bad off... LOL. Ford Fiesta anyone?
I have so many opportunities in my life right now... and I'm trying not to take them for granted just because of my fears and anxieties. But if I can do that... it's nice to realize you can accomplish just about anything.
I have another year of college before I have to be out on my own, but it scares me too. Finding a way to support myself and a place to live and surviving alone. I also rely a lot on friends and the decisions they make. Breaking away from that is going to be scary. Good for you for stepping up in you life. Good luck with the rest of the year and the writing and life in general. You will succeed if only because you have decided to.
I'm usually a lurker more than a commenter, but I really wanted to say this. A lot of times I really envy you because it seems like you're living the awesome life I want to live, but reading this blog has made me realize, once again, that the grass is always greener. I look at the things you're doing and sigh and wish I were doing them too, but you've just described wanting to do things I've done. I did go to college out of state, from my California paradise to the frigid cold and snowy Minnesota. And now I'm doing a one-year study abroad in Japan, even though I had only studied the language a year before I came here. Everyone has something we want; everyone will want something we have. Maybe this comment isn't needed -- I'm just feeling a little more grateful for things in my life that I've been taking for granted.
As for being scared, I'm sorry. :( I've also been facing the fears that come with the feeling of "growing up," depending only on yourself. I've had to become so much more independent while here in Japan, with no roommates, no parents, hardly any friends. It's so strange and different from how things have worked the previous 20 years of my life. Anyway, it's easier said then done, but something to remember when facing fear is that things always work out in the end. Good luck with everything! Stay strong! がんばってください！
I feel the same way.
But at least you're aware of it.
We'll figure out how to be grown ups somehow.
<3
I know exactly how you're feeling. I am just starting to check out schools for when I graduate, and ever since I started IB I have been telling myself that I want to study abroad. But the closer I get, I realize that I would be going to a foreign country and I will have to rely completely and utterly on my own.
I've always been very quiet and shy, probably hiding behind my dysmelia, but then I would have to depend on myself and take a kind of chance I have never taken before.
It's terrifying.
I'll always be able to go back to my dad's stores and work there, and that scares me a lot. Will I be working in a movie store for the rest of my life?
I suppose that by living our dreams, we have to take really scary chances, just like you've done with your job. And I think you will do well. You have around 50,000 people who are already set on buying your novel if/when DFTBA records publishes it. And you do have a lot of things to be proud of =D
I know how you feel and it is totally normal! I graduated with my Masters degree at the end of 2008 and luckily for me I kinda knew what I wanted in terms of career, the problem was, there were no jobs. I had no job. I was in massive debt, didn't know what to do, the guy I loved and I weren't togethor anymore, my family lives half way around the world in Hong Kong, and I was entirly and utterly alone. But...
I got through it. It took over a YEAR and in the meantime I had to deal with so much crap, and working a job in customer services (yick) and lots of tears and feeling like the world was crushing in on me etc etc... but (and I know this sounds super cheesy) but it does only make you stronger, and sometimes adventure is a good thing.
You need to do a Colin Singleton! Go to Tallahasse :-p
But regardless of all that, you come out of it in the end, I have a guy I adore, a job I love, and 2 years on now (shit britches) I am stronger and more awesome person because of it! And you are already extremely awesome, funny, witty, intelligent, and strong and a human being.
I know sometimes it takes us random outsiders who watch and read you to remind you.
Kristina you are awesome!!! And I promise, your life is going to be an awesome adventure, and what ever you do, with the person you are, you are going to make it GREAT!
Much love from New Zealand,
Sarah
I understand completely where you're coming from...I'm only 18 but next year I'll be done with undergrad and starting grad school in the fall (if I get accepted.) Also, my mom has always been really sick but now she's starting to lose her mind (a few days ago she asked me how to work a tv remote and I had to tell her step by step...) so this scares me beyond belief because I'm becoming unable to get her advice on any type of decisions I need to make.
It's completely scary knowing that you're alone even when you have people in your life, as you are saying. And I don't really like spaghettios so I don't want to live that lifestyle.
I think you quitting your job was a good idea and a hard step that you were able to actually go through with. Hopefully you are able to take this time to learn more about yourself and plan for your future.
I'm sure that no matter what path you take, no matter if you move out or stay right where you are, you will be extremely successful. Good luck through these next few months and try to enjoy all the changes that are to come =)
I'm only graduating high school and I'm terrified. I've always counted on my parents, even being afraid of calling to order a pizza. I turned 18 last September and was truly surprised-when I was filling out papers at the dentist- that I had to say whether I was single or married. I thought, "I'm too young to be married!" And then it hit me. No, I'm not. I'm an adult. But I don't feel like one at all. I'm still afraid of all the things I'll have to do for myself. I'm going to an in-state college because of money, but at some point I really want to transfer, possibly to UW. I've lived on the East Coast my whole life so it would be terrifying, but it's still something I want to do.
Almost everything I've done has been to stay inside my comfort zone, so you know what? I'm doing it with you. Different stages of life, but I'm still making a lot of changes. I want to step out of my comfort zone and confront my fears, which I've been doing on a very small scale. But I want to step it up. And even though I'll have no idea what the hell I'm doing, at least I'll know I'm not the only one.
I have a feeling you're going to make it. I don't know you IRL, but I think it's safe to say that I think you're the kind of person who can manage to do it on her own. So enjoy it, no matter how terrifying it seems. We all believe you can do it =)
I can totally relate to this post, even though I've still got a full two or three years of fairly safe college time to figure things out. I tend to think very far ahead, because I hate not knowing what's next.
And even though I want so badly to live somewhere new once I do graduate, the idea of actually doing it is terrifying.
But you are very lucky on that front. You have over 34,000 youtube subscribers who think you are insanely awesome(because you are). Chances are, if you put out a call for it, there will be at least one subscriber who would be more than willing to show you around wherever you want to be.
I know I don't personally know you, but for what it's worth, I think you'll be all right. =]
Good Luck Kristina. I can't relate to you now, but in a few years, I will. We're all rooting for you. You can do it.
I wish I could favorite this, like you can on YouTube.
I only know you through your videos and your blogs, so I can't say this with 100% confidence, but I think you'll do okay. You DO take risks, albeit the safer one of the two, but it's still a risk. I'm a senior in college and I've never studied abroad. I want to, but I never really had the money or the confidence to.
Stop second guessing yourself and you'll be fine. Just go with it. Life has a way of working itself out.
<3
I understand exactly how you feel...no matter how seemingly well planned out I have everything, I always have millions of questions and worries running through my head.
However, I do have to say that no matter how nerve-racking it may be, I do think based on reading this that moving to a different place would be a good idea. I've been in Spain since September studying, and I did not know anyone when I first came over, and having always been the shy, quiet one, it was a little tough for me at first, but overall it's been an amazing experience so far and I can't believe I have less than 4 months left!
Then over Christmas break I did some traveling in Central and Eastern Europe...and it was almost completely a plan-as-you-go trip. I was traveling by myself and for places to stay I used CouchSurfing. Being a 20 year old female I had quite a few people worried, not just my parents! But in the end, I have to say I consider those 3 1/2 weeks to have been some of the most important in my life. I was nervous not having a plan set ahead of time, but that forced me to focus more on the moment. Also, staying with people I had only exchanged a few messages online was a slightly frightening idea too...but because of that I was also forced to come out of my shell more than I think I have been ever before. And besides that, I met some amazing people! It's amazing what 3 weeks can do!
Now, I still have plenty of worries about the future, no matter how many times I try to tell myself I shouldn't worry so much. But at least I know now that I can handle new situations without completely breaking down! And If I can do that, anyone can! Just DFTBA!
Kristina, this is one of my favorite blogs you've ever written.
I think it's awesome you quit your job. Some people just forget what they wanted in their life because they are really comfortable in their position. I'm glad you're not one of them.
I have no doubt you will succeed in whatever you want to do. If you publish a book, I'm preeetty sure all your loyal suscribers/readers/followers will buy it, incluiding myself. Your writing skills are incredible -just reading your blog I can know that easily- and no wonder why the entire internet population loves you.
Growing up IS scary. But don't forget you are not alone :)
I applaud you! It is scary taking these big steps... and sometimes you just have to jump. I, like you, have been working at the same job for a long time now. It'll be five years in August! I love my job, but I don't get paid enough really. I've thought about teaching in Korea for a year or something like that but the idea of just picking up and moving is super scary. So I am in awe of your taking steps to not stay complacent. It's great! I know you'll do well. Your seriously talented :) Also, it's nice to be reminded that we shouldn't look to others to make us happy, we're the only one who can do that. Otherwise, just like you said, we'll only be disappointed time and time again. But I also think it's important to remember that we need people and it's okay to have a support system. You just have to remember to live your life for you and not for everyone else. Thanks for the reminder! I should seriously think about what it is I want to do.....
I know the feeling. It was actually really nice to know that I'm not the only one who's scared about the future.
I've got the chance to go to university in Greenwich and I really like it, but not sure I could handle living there. I've only visited London a couple of times.
Anyway, I hope things work out for you :)
That's just crazy-making behavior, quitting your old job before you've found a new one, especially in this economy. Good luck finishing up with school & check out your career counselors. Try to get something that pays $30K+/year. It's Seattle, maybe something will turn up. You really don't want to be serving fries with that.
WV: mobhvzmw
It must have been that chipotle burrito that caused the change lol.
Helloo. I read your blog and such quite often, but I dunno if I've ever commented... but... I will now.
I, too, am feeling a bit scared about growing up and such; but I'm just about to graduate high school, rather than college, so it's not quite the same, haha.
Anyway, congratulations and good luck with trying new things and such! I'm sure you'll be able to do whatever you want to, even if it might seem difficult.
=]
I certainly know how you feel!
Seven years ago, I picked up and left Seattle with two suitcases, a plane ticket to the East Coast and $200 in my pocket. I have had my share of hard times out here (going through a lot right now in particular). As scary as it all is, I'm happy that I didn't just settle for staying home where I know I'd still be wondering what my life could have been if I'd ventured out. I'll be 30 in June, and as difficult as my 20's were, I don't regret my experiences one bit.
My honest advice for you: don't over-think things...not even a little bit! If you want to do something, and you have the means, do it! Plan for tomorrow and live for today. :)
Hey, I don't comment on blogs that often, but I just wanted to comment to give you a little bit of extra support in everything you're doing and saying. :) Sometimes the hardest thing ever is to step out of your comfort zone.
This is a random question, but how do you put your dailybooth photo on your blog? Does it automatically update when you post a new picture on dailybooth, or do you just use the photo gadget on blogger and you change the link on here every time you post a new photo?
P.S. Graduating from college sounds really scary. I'm graduating from high school this year and I'm terrified with all the new responsibilities, I can only imagine what it's like for you!
I've been reading your blog for sometime now but I have never left a comment. However, reading this particular blog post of yours is too similar to my current situation and I wanted to let you know that you've helped me finally make a firm decision (I already knew it was what I wanted but I kept putting off having to actually make it).
I'm currently struggling with making a big life changing decision that would take me away from my small town in Canada where I live with my parents, on the same street as my boyfriend, near all my friends and five minutes away from the job I've been working at for four years because I'm comfortable there.
I had told myself that 2010 was going to be the year where I try new things and actually do all those things that I always say "I wish I could go do something like that...". I've decided this is the year where I will actually do those things. Despite that I wanted this to be the year I took risks and tried new things, there is one decision I keep coming back to and wavering on my answer.
The point I am trying to make is that this blog post has given me further incentive to do the thing that will take me away from and so far out of my normal comfort zone.
Thank you.
P.S. Your posts are a pleasure to read.
*Standing Ovation*
I'm absolutely terrified about my life after university. I've already started the whole 'independent living' thing. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 17, I own a house full of furniture, I pay my bills, I buy my food, I have to try and organise my own doctor and dentist appointments, I do my own tax, but at the end of it I'm still a student, and I can still fall back on that. I don't finish until the end of 2011, but I'm already realising how incredibly close that actually is.
I'm so strongly contemplating leaving my job at the moment so I can spend some more time actually getting involved with my course and try doing some work experience and internships and try to find a casual job that is actually somewhat related to what I want to do. I want to have more time to actually write.
I've finally hit the point where I've realised I can't just wait for university to finish and then I'll automatically find my place in the world, I have to start doing it now. And it is the most insanely scary prospect in the world.
It was great reading your blog, and everyone's comments and realising that other people are in similar situations! Best of luck to us all! :)
That's really awesome. It's good that you know you need to not rely on people. That's something I definitely struggle with. I just like people too much so it's hard to be without them and to not rely on them. Growing up is so scary! You can do it though. I have faith! : )
Hey Kristina, I just wanted to say that you are a great role model to ahve because even though your scared, you realize what needs to change and you know how to do it. The hard part is jus tgoing through with it. I hope you get what you want and you can do what you want. It's okay to be scared as long as you're realizing that you have oppurtunities. Hope you enjoy your six months out of work and I cna't wait to read your book when it's published!
You, Kristina Horner, truly inspire me.
Thank you for being awesome and beautiful inside and out. I'm not going to wish you luck because I know whatever you want, you will go out and obtain and achieve. You're such a strong person and such a good role model and I can't wait to meet you one day. C:
Good luck, Kristina! I wish you all the best.
I can't tell you how much I relate to all this. "The real world" is terrifying.
<3. Cliche as it sounds, I BELIEVE in you.
I'm right there with you. June sixth is the day I enter the real world, and I have no idea what that really means.
I think we'll make it, though. What's the worst that can happen?
omg, it's like you've taken the words right out of my mouth...
back when i was in high school, i wanted to attend school overseas. but the thought of leaving my safe and comfortable life scared me! so i chickened out and ended up at a school 15 minutes from home (at least you had the guts to leave home...)
now, im 21 and eligible to graduate; but i find myself considering staying another year. i claim to want to double major, but the real reason im postponing my graduation is because i am not ready to face the 'real world.'
i am completely at a loss about what i want in my future; but knowing that i'm not the only one comforts me. thanks for posting this :)
Good for you!
Of course this is scary! But the only thing you can do at this point is jump. You will be FINE, and you have plenty of people who love you and care about you. Just do things. See what happens. It's scary, but it's great.
It's amazing, but I think of you so differently, almost to the point of being fearless. As a viewer, I've watched you travel the world, win a car (albeit temporarily), and offer your heart to different men...publicly, and all that after having been in a successful, touring band for a number of years. It takes so much guts to do the things that you do - to put yourself out there on video and audio. Honestly, I think when you finally decide to take the plunge, the exhilaration will overcome any doubts and fears you have, and you will surprise yourself with how successful you are. Your story is one of bravery, Kristina. Go, Sagittarius, go!
You'll do great Kristina. Don't worry so much. :)
Things will fall into place and you'll wonder why you were apprehensive at all.
I sometimes feel this way, or more accurately, I feel like I'll feel this way. I'll be 16 in a few months, and it's beginning to hit me that soon 'll be doing A-levels, and before I know it I'll be off to uni. It's scary as hell, but I'm also looking forward to it. Whenever I get too overwhelmed, I just remind myself that I'm not the first person to do this, and I have confidence in myself that it won't go wrong. Maybe that's stupid, but I hope not. But I definitely think yu'll be fine, kristina. You are wonderful, witty, likeable, and intelligent. You'll go far :)
I felt the exact same way about my life. I realised that I needed to create my own happiness and not wait for someone to just hand it to me. That is why I am going to the US in 5 months to go study there for a year. So I'll hopefully get some great experiences and get to be a little more independent. Actually I'm going to Washington so that should be great I can't wait to leave. =]
Hope it all works out for you :)
Good for you. Good Luck.
a) you have taken every word straight out of my head. i pretty much wrote this exact entry a few months ago. i'm not as close are you are to having to independently live (stress of bills etc) but it's coming up fast..
b) i know. i know i know i know. for university, i made the... choice of shipping all the way to england on my own for three years. everyone says i am so brave. at this moment in time, i believe it is the dumbest thing i have ever done ever. come the end of my final year though, i hope i have something to show for it..
c) GOOD FOR YOU & GOOD LUCK. we'll all be right there with you (even if you don't want to have to depend on others :P).
I kind of know how you're feeling. I'm only 16, but I think about the future and it generally brings me uncertainty, in terms of how I'm going to look after myself and shit like that. I kind of subconsciously can't wait to move out and all that, but it's a scary concept in terms of as you said, relying on yourself and everything. Anyway, millions of people out there have done it, I'm sure you'll figure it out. :)
When I read the blog post yesterday, I was in the process of deciding to live in res or off campus with some friends and it really helped me realize that I should decide for myself what I want to do and what I think is best for me.
Thanks for the awesome blog post!
I just want to say that your blog is quite awesome/inspiring. :) Three years ago I made the decision to move out and attend college out-of-state where I knew no one and it's honestly been the most terrifying and BEST decision of my life. It feels great to overcome that fear of the unknown. I wish you the best of luck!
Im in a similar situation my self at the moment im 23 and looking to the future im currently unemployed and and looking for work but i dont want to have to take a job that will just pay the bills i want to start my career i dont care where i end up in the near future as long as its leading down the road to what i want to do so i know exactly how you are feeling at the moment and i am right there with you. To the Future :D
Growing up is scary isn't it?
But from what I've seen Kristina, you have tons of really cool stuff, you've met lots of people and you've made a name for yourself at a pretty young age.
I have spent the last couple of years worrying about the fact that I am 'in my comfort zone' and that 'I'm not doing enough with my life' but this year I decided that I should just make the most of where I am - and actually it's really liberating.
Instead of worrying too much about what I should do in the future, I'm just focussing on having fun and making life count NOW.
I hope things work out for you :)
Oops, that should read "You have done tons of really cool stuff"
I just kind of wanted to say thank you for writing this. It's exactly the same way I feel.. Really, it made me really happy to read that I'm not the only one who feels that way. I think one of the great "problems" of our generation is, that we are kind of scared to "grow up" and, you know, depend on ourselves 100% - at least, it is for me.. And. Well. It just made me feel a little bit better that I'm not the only one who feels that way :)
Thank you for being awesome ;)
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