Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Homesick.

I am really, really homesick.

And it's weird, because I AM home. I've been in Seattle for 2 months straight now; longer than I've ever been at home at one time for the past 2 years or so. But the home I'm missing isn't here, it's in North Dakota.

I have a very, very large family, and they're spread out all over the country, but a large majority of them live in North Dakota. My mom has 8 brothers and sisters, my dad has 7 - and nearly all of them have spouses and children. I don't even have a number for how many cousins I have in total. Probably somewhere in the 30s. When I was younger, we used to go to North Dakota once a year (usually for the 4th of July) to see everybody and spend quality time with my grandparents. And honestly, these were usually some of my favorite times in my life. I'm really blessed to have such a large family full of loving, wonderful people, and it's always been hard to live so far away from them.

But anyway, since I've gotten older and started traveling, playing shows, touring, having jobs... I've had to miss a few of our North Dakota trips. I had to miss last summer in particular, when I was on ROFLCOPTOUR, and even though I was having a blast playing shows with my friends - there was a part of me that felt terribly guilty for missing out on spending time with my family. I remember my dad kept texting me pictures of things they were doing and while I appreciated it, each one made me kind of sad, thinking of the fun I was missing.

I know a lot of my relatives watch my videos and read this blog (hi guys!) and I'm truly glad my family has that connection to my life; that they can see what I'm doing when we're all too busy to talk on the phone/write each other. But while a bunch of my relatives are on Facebook (which is nice) I still don't really have any sort of two way street to see what THEY'RE up to. So much has happened in my life since I've really gotten to spend time with my grandparents, or my aunts and uncles or cousins... that I'm worried it's going to be like they don't know me anymore. Or worse, that they just see the same Kristina the rest of the internet full of strangers sees, and I wont know THEM anymore. And all of this is silly, because I'm still the same Kristina they watched grow up and all that, but I can't entirely shake the thought.

I guess I just feel guilty. I made the decision to go on tour rather than spending time with my parents and brother in North Dakota last summer. And I know none of my relatives would blame me for choosing the tour - it was a GREAT experience and opportunity. I just don't want any of them to think all this stuff is more important to me than seeing them. I don't want them to think that videos and blogs are all they're gonna get from me, for now on.


Conclusion is that a family trip to North Dakota WILL happen this year, no matter what I have to do to make it happen. I just wish I had time NOW. :)


In other news, I have watched so many movies this week. I've always been that girl who, when asked, "Have you see _____ movie?" I have to say, "actually, no I haven't seen it," way more often than I would like. I enjoy every opportunity I have to close that gap. I'm about to get really busy later this month, so I am RELISHING every last moment I have of very-little-to-do-ness.

Thus ends emotional blogging with Kristina on a Tuesday night.

Flights taken: 0
WoW levels:
Mage: 56
Shaman: 34

21 comments:

Jill said...

I have a pretty large extended family myself back in North Carolina that I haven't seen in 11 years. Not to mention a newborn niece and new sister and niece-in-law that I have yet to meet up in NorCal.

Sorry about the bum out, but I do hope you get to see your family again soon! I'm sure they all miss you too and you'll all have loads of crazy adventures when you do go back!

Movies!!! God I'm such a movie lover! I've got more DVDs than I can count! Totally suggest chick flick wise: Never Been Kissed, 27 Dresses, You've Got Mail. Action flicks: Rush Hour 1 and 2 (not 3, that sucked), Die Hard 1-4, V for Vendetta. Also, if you're looking for other TV shows, Whedon's Dollhouse is way awesome! It gets a little inconsistent quality-wise sometimes, but the twists, development, and overall lead up to each of the two season's finales is PHENOMENAL! I always say, just trust Whedon. You may not know where he's taking you, but it'll be somewhere great and mind blowing! Have an awesome day!

Litheran said...

I'm on the other side of the spectrum myself. I have my mom, dad, two brothers, one sister, one niece, two aunts, three cousins.

There is other extended family but there's no relationship there due to bad blood from the past.

It bothered me for a long time not having a larger family. Luckily 8 years ago I got a job that ended up introducing me to my other family.

The friends I made there are still in my life and I can now add three more brothers and their families to the people I hold dear. Plus my brother is in a long term relationship which has yielded me two more "adopted" nieces.

The downside of course is now that there are so many rugrats running around; it makes me long to start a family all the more.

I hope that you get to see your ND family sooner rather than later.

I love a good movie watching blitz.
I just found out tonight that my sister has never seen the entirety of Star Wars. I sense a disturbance in the force which can only be thwarted by a marathon.

TheGreatandMightyMe said...

I dont have that large of a family but because of the school program im in (I move half way across the country four times a year) I dont get to see my family all that often. I was pretty depressed last time I met with them and one of my little cousins didnt even remember who I was.

Anne said...

I'm going to be in the exact same position this time next year. My family is planning a reunion (first one this big in years) at the end of July - and what did I do? I got a paper accepted to a research conference overseas for the same weekend. It happens sometimes, but it's no fun when it does.

Amy said...

I totally understand. I have a huge family and live near NONE of them. A lot of them live in the Seattle area so seeing your adventures there always makes me homesick. Family is so important! I'm glad that you are going to make the time for them- in the end friends and boyfriends are great but family will always be there for you!

I'm not unique, I'm Monique said...

Having a big family is great, luckily I get to see mine fairly often (most of us live in or around the same city), but I think because of that I don't always enjoy it as much as I used to. Because we're so close we have the ability to get on each others' nerves. It can be frustrating at times but they're always around when you need them, and that's all I could ever really ask of them. :D.
Hi, I've just started reading your blog yesterday, but I've been watching your videos for like 3 years now and have seen a few of your shows. Looking forward to reading along now!:D.

kira902k said...

I'm lucky enough that most of my family lives in Montreal, and we have Friday night dinners every week at my Grandmas house, so I do get to see them a lot.
But all of my family on my father's side live in Finland, including my grandma, great aunt and godfather. So I understand the feeling of missing them. I always have such an amazing time when I see them, and I'm always filled of renewed love for them. But then sometimes I have to wait years to see them again, and I start getting this, like, CRAVING in my blood to go back to Finland and be with my grandma and everything, you know?

So I think I kind of get the missing North Dakota feeling. And I think that you'll always be Kristina, the girl they've seen grow up, to your family. Not italktosnakes, the internet identity. Cause they're your family. So you'll always have that more tangible connection to them.

Just make sure you have time to visit them this year. =] And all shall be well.

Now, go be happy. Si vous plait. <3

-alex

Manar said...

Wow. It's cool that you have such a huge family. :)

My family's pretty medium sized, and while I love my aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents, I'm really only close with my parents and my brother. And since, at the moment, I still live with all three of them, I have a pretty peachy time of it.

Jamie said...

My mom has 4 siblings and my dad has 9. It gets chaotic, but I am fortunate that most of my extended family is within an hour of my hometown. I kind of get where you're coming from, though. Ever since I started college two hours away from home, I feel out of the loop from my cousins, aunts, and uncles, etc. They're always some party, banquet, big news that I also seem to get months later.

"_______ has a kid now?!"
"When did _____ & _____ married?"
"Is he/she a new cousin?"

I do have the opportunity to see them when I go home but going home is so rare nowadays--well, except for Chinese New Year last weekend. My presence was requested--i.e. demanded--for Chinese New Year dinner/Superbowl party (haha, intermixing of cultures).

I hope you see your family again soon!!

Reading the Day Away said...

You just became my favorite person on youtube! I'm from North Dakota and I had not idea anyone even knew where that is let alone visiting on a regular basis!!! for me I have the opposite problem, I'm at home here and my large extended family is everywhere else :)

Victoria said...

I fear that when I'm older I'll go and be down south (In England) and because all my family live up north I'll be left out of everything and miss out on my nieces and nephews growing up and stuff.

Katey said...

While I've grown up in Indianapolis, my entire extended family has always lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma. When I was younger that was like my second home, and it was really easy for my cousins and I to connect in a way that only kids can. As we've gotten older, it has been really depressing because we find ourselves struggling to relate to each other. My desire to spend my holidays there is diminishing, and I find it extremely sad. ):

kaleidoscopicepic said...

I've always lived out on the West Coast, and my extended family has always been in New England, so even though we fly out there once or twice a year, I've never really been that close to them. I like living where I do, but I do wish somewhat that I had grown up on the East Coast, so that I could have been more involved in my family there.

Newt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Newt said...

Found a bunch of typos: had to repost. XD

My family is completely spread out, so I've grown used to mostly seeing just my parents and my brother. My sister is going to college in Boston; by other sister is in LA; my uncle, aunt, and three cousins are in NJ with my godmother; my godfather seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet; my other uncle, aunt, and two cousins live near Dusseldorf in Germany; and everyone else lives around Gdansk, Poland. I see my Boston sister fairly often, though the other I only get to see around once every four years. I hardly know her and she's my sister. We are 17 years apart, but it still feels weird.
Besides the NJ family, I've met everyone else one or two times. Its weird, but my family has never really been close...

Tania said...

I think that if they really love you(and i am sure the do.!)they will understand why you haven't spend time with them lately.They probably want you to experience as many things as possible.But on the other hand it's understandable to feel homesick.Sometimes you just have to sacrifice something over something else and that's never easy.It's the balance you have to find.And i think you will..
As for what you said about the movies i so understand you.I'm always the person that knows about the movies(about the story,if they are considered good etcetc)but haven't actually watch many of them.I hope after my exams to get back on watching movies that i really want to watch but i didn't have the time..:)

noms said...

http://thefrenemy.tumblr.com/post/3214180376/how-to-read-a-book

Chelseaxx said...

I have a huge family too and I've always been grateful that I have had so many cousins, aunts, and uncles to grow up with. So many people I know either don't have any cousins or barely know their cousins whereas, my whole family grew up like siblings.

I know that that is something I will always be thankful for, and I know you will too :)

The great thing about family though, is that they never, ever forget...like, EVER. They never forget the time you fell in front of everyone, or how embarrassing it was when you brought your first boyfriend home and they certainly never forget you.

They'll always be there, happy as ever to see you coming home...because that's just family :).

Kaili said...

About the movie thing: I used to be that girl..But then I started to watch more and more movies during the summertime and it seems like I am now the girl who has watched all the random movies my friends haven't! Does that make sense? Haha.

elig said...

Hey, this is random, but have you ever been to the Laser Led Zeppelin at the laser dome in the Science Center? I went last night, and it was really fun :D

Stward Campbell said...

I recall when I was overseas, I was in the middle east due to my work and I was really homesick, what I did was to go to an Indian Pharmacy and buy some magic pills and find a woman, that took that homesick feeling away!