I am really, really homesick.
And it's weird, because I AM home. I've been in Seattle for 2 months straight now; longer than I've ever been at home at one time for the past 2 years or so. But the home I'm missing isn't here, it's in North Dakota.
I have a very, very large family, and they're spread out all over the country, but a large majority of them live in North Dakota. My mom has 8 brothers and sisters, my dad has 7 - and nearly all of them have spouses and children. I don't even have a number for how many cousins I have in total. Probably somewhere in the 30s. When I was younger, we used to go to North Dakota once a year (usually for the 4th of July) to see everybody and spend quality time with my grandparents. And honestly, these were usually some of my favorite times in my life. I'm really blessed to have such a large family full of loving, wonderful people, and it's always been hard to live so far away from them.
But anyway, since I've gotten older and started traveling, playing shows, touring, having jobs... I've had to miss a few of our North Dakota trips. I had to miss last summer in particular, when I was on ROFLCOPTOUR, and even though I was having a blast playing shows with my friends - there was a part of me that felt terribly guilty for missing out on spending time with my family. I remember my dad kept texting me pictures of things they were doing and while I appreciated it, each one made me kind of sad, thinking of the fun I was missing.
I know a lot of my relatives watch my videos and read this blog (hi guys!) and I'm truly glad my family has that connection to my life; that they can see what I'm doing when we're all too busy to talk on the phone/write each other. But while a bunch of my relatives are on Facebook (which is nice) I still don't really have any sort of two way street to see what THEY'RE up to. So much has happened in my life since I've really gotten to spend time with my grandparents, or my aunts and uncles or cousins... that I'm worried it's going to be like they don't know me anymore. Or worse, that they just see the same Kristina the rest of the internet full of strangers sees, and I wont know THEM anymore. And all of this is silly, because I'm still the same Kristina they watched grow up and all that, but I can't entirely shake the thought.
I guess I just feel guilty. I made the decision to go on tour rather than spending time with my parents and brother in North Dakota last summer. And I know none of my relatives would blame me for choosing the tour - it was a GREAT experience and opportunity. I just don't want any of them to think all this stuff is more important to me than seeing them. I don't want them to think that videos and blogs are all they're gonna get from me, for now on.
Conclusion is that a family trip to North Dakota WILL happen this year, no matter what I have to do to make it happen. I just wish I had time NOW. :)
In other news, I have watched so many movies this week. I've always been that girl who, when asked, "Have you see _____ movie?" I have to say, "actually, no I haven't seen it," way more often than I would like. I enjoy every opportunity I have to close that gap. I'm about to get really busy later this month, so I am RELISHING every last moment I have of very-little-to-do-ness.
Thus ends emotional blogging with Kristina on a Tuesday night.
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the talking problem
20 hours ago