Today was the first day of school at the University of Washington. I saw all the college-aged kids swarming the streets of the U District today with their backpacks and their cell phones and their cups of coffee.
You know what I did today?
1. Slept until 10.
2. Went to Target.
3. Set up a green screen and lighting device in my dining room.
4. Finally took a shower around 5.
5. Filmed a video, learned how to chroma key in Sony Vegas, and replied to a ton of emails.
6. Watched a movie with Eia.
I'll admit, this is actually a pretty standard day in the life of Kristina Horner. But every single thing I did today felt the tiniest bit wrong when I stopped and thought about the fact that literally for the past 18 years, on this day in the fall, I was putting on my backpack, a new outfit, pouring over my schedule and going to my first day of new classes. There's a small part of me that misses school (new clothes, school supplies, new friends, new classes), but mostly it feels really freeing. I can do ANYTHING I WANT. Anything. Except fly. I still can't fly.
That sentiment is only slightly dampened by how much time I have spent on the phone with car insurance companies this week. Real life, man. It has its plusses and minuses.
So my sleeping schedule is all off right now for some reason (a combination of staying up late to catch up on YouTube videos, to talk to Eia because it's the only time she's ever home, and just generally losing track of time), but I have this viciously meticulous internal clock that will not, under any circumstances, let me sleep past 10. No matter what time I went to bed. And usually I'm up by 8, on a normal day.
Anyway, the point of this is that when I don't sleep well, I have nightmares. Not like, exorcist boogieman mentally-scarring nightmares, but just... really weird, disorienting stuff.
I dreamt a few nights ago that a friend of mine tried to give me this herbal tea stuff that had worms in it that were apparently great for detox or something, but when I opened the lid they just started flying out and attaching themselves to everything. That's not a fun situation to wake up from.
I had a dream, too, that my face was covered in these creepy lumps and nobody wanted to tell me about it, and I actually woke up from it unconsciously feeling my cheeks to make sure they were alright.
I also had this dream one time where a guy was trying to hunt me down from the internet and wanted to kill me or kidnap me or something, and in the dream I remember coming home and seeing my place was trashed - when I woke up I actually had to have Luke reassure me that nothing was wrong.
And one time I dreamt Eia was demanding we move into a dancer's commune where you sleep in a different room than you keep your stuff in, as an attempt to share the living experience on a deeper level with your housemates -wtf! And she wasn't listening to me at all when I was telling her that I didn't want to live there, and I actually woke up angry at her, before I realized it wasn't real.
These are just a few of the recent ones, and while it's not really a big deal because I tend to get over it within about five minutes of waking up... I guess I'm just wondering if this is normal. Nightmares seem like such a little kid thing; you know, in movies, it's always a child in their rocketship jammies waking up and screaming for their parents from some nightmare, but I seem to have them pretty frequently. And sometimes they really shake me up for a few minutes.
So anyway, that's all. Do you have nightmares? Do you have them often? What kind of nightmares are they/do they affect you for awhile after you wake up?
This blog post got very personal very quickly, so I am going to turn attention away from myself now, and reply to a comment I got on my last post from a lovely girl named Alex who comments on just about everything of mine. :)
Advice time!
kira902k: What should I do when my friends that I've had for a really long time are suddenly showing their backstabbing, bitchy sides and I have a whole new group of nerdier, more amazing friends (who are all either not at my school, or in a grade younger than me)? Do I ditch my longtime friends and graduate without friends in my grade, or do I just play along and deal with them until high school is finally over?
Let's take this one piece at a time. First of all, it sounds a little bit like you've answered your own question. You can obviously tell the difference between bitchy/backstabbing people and people who are truly worth your time, so you should be super thankful you have those other friends, regardless of where they live or how old they are.
I went through some trials and tribulations in middle school and high school with mean, backstabby people, and if I'd had another source of awesome friends to turn to then, it would have helped so much.
Graduating with people you know is fun and important, but you're always going to remember if those friendships were hollow or in fact meaningless. Even if you're not surrounded by your best friends on graduation day, you're still going to be celebrating a HUGE achievement you made on your own, and you're still going to have those great other friends waiting for you at the end of the day. Don't make yourself miserable just to take pictures in caps and gowns with people who aren't worthwhile.
Basically the moral of the story here, is that it's NEVER better to "play along" until some predetermined time if you're unhappy. Your life is happening right now. Spend it with the people who matter. Even if they're a grade below you. Or far away. :)
And that's how Kristina C's it! LOL.
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I've been having some sleeping problems lately, and apparently, it results in weird dreams that sort of "solves" little trivial problems I actually have and explains weird things that happen in my life. It's really disorienting because it's so realistic too. Plus, I swear in one of my dreams, my mom told me about an egg sandwich, and the next day, she actually told me the exact same thing. I can predict the future! xD
I find that after I read a book, like the Hunger Games, I can't sleep and I am up all night analyzing what happened. I eventually fall asleep and then I end up twisting the book until it is completely crazy in my dream. Then I end up in the book, and as much as the Hunger Games is a good book, I don't want to be in it.
Great blog, I miss school during the summer, but I have to go to it in ten minutes, so.... yeah!~
I agree with Zoe, I end up twisting things that happen in fiction in my nightmares.
I get nightmares very frequently, and as a result I can't watch scary movies, so if I'm round a friend's house and they watch something scary I just have to leave because I know I will pay for it at night for months. When I was 15 I had to sleep in my parent's room some nights because I was so scared of a movie! Sounds silly and childish but it does happen. I wouldn't worry about your nightmares :) they're horrible when you're in them, but coping mechanisms kick in pretty quick. Turn on the light is the first thing! I hope they go away soon :)
I feel you, Kristina, as far as nightmares go. When I haven't been getting enough sleep I start to have nightmares similar to yours. They aren't usually the "wake up screaming" kind, but the disorientating, disturbing kind. I almost always wake up from these dreams and have to remind myself that it was only a dream and whatever I'm feeling is unnecessary.
You're not the only one. :]
I have the same problem as Ukulelly. I usually only have nightmares if I've read or watched something really weird or really scary immediately before sleep. The two most notable examples are reading the Hunger Games and watching Poltergeist before bed (two separate times). Poltergeist was definitely more scarring though. I slept in my mom's room because I was afraid of my closet. For a week, I spent as little time in my room as possible to avoid the closet.
I don't want to say I have "lots of nightmares," but I do have them.
Especially about driving, now that I can get my permit next week.
I get nightmares. A lot. Even though I can control what I dream about (which is really, really cool, by the way, and quite easy to learn by yourself). But that might be because I actually LIKE having them. They give me wonderful story ideas (especially the super-scary ones that turn me into the kid in rocketship pajamas, except I'm too scared to even get off the bed and run to my mom's room - and I'm seventeen, by the way, not scared of horror movies too much). It's also great insight into your mind and a wonderful tool to evaluate your creativity. Think of the dreams as research material. Consider WHY they came, WHAT they refer to (a fear of worms? Some conflicts with a friend or a misunderstanding that might escalate?), WHEN you get them (early on in the night or later?) and HOW they start, proceed and end. Cohesive or chaotic? Simple or with many plot lines? It can really help you get to know yourself better, however odd that may sound. :)
I don't often have nightmare type dreams. I don't even have regular dreams all that often, at least, I rarely ever remember them.
When I do have dreams that I actually remember, they often involve my 2 closest guy friends. And usually I end up in relationships with one of them even though in reality that's about the last thing I would ever want with either of them.
My roommates have a great time interpreting those dreams.
Reading this made me realize that I don't really dream all that much anymore. Or if I do, they don't affect me enough for me to remember them more than a minute after I wake up.
The worst is when I have caffeine before bed (accidentally or otherwise) and I get weird caffeinated nightmares.
And click the handicapped button next to the captcha. THAT will give you nightmares.
Whenever I think of dreams I think of a dream I had where I was some sea weed trapped in a "city" of pipes. It wasn't really a nightmare because I just felt uncomfortable being in such a small space but I woke up sweating and shaking xD
I rarely have nightmares. In fact, I'm pretty sure I remember all three of them. (Although it's certainly possible that I had ones when I was younger and just don't remember them.) The last one I had was maybe a year ago. It was started off strange, with the moon melting and then freezing, and then my friend's boyfriend killing my dog, and getting shot on the south side of Chicago. I woke up crying from that one, but only because I didn't want my dog to be dead.
My dreams, though, are kind of weird. There's never any sound, but I know what people are saying; it isn't a smooth experience, I only see flashes. Our minds do strange things when left to their own devices.
I still have nightmares a lot. Every year about a month before I go to an HP con I have dozens of nightmares involving me forgetting to pack important things I need. These are always strange and make me feel really lame but it also helps me remember all the important things I need xD.
I would say I have nightmares that I remember(temporarily) several times a year. They aren't frequent and don't really have an impact on me at all. I really don't even remember later in the day usually. Rarely, I do have nightmares that stick in my mind, but fortunately they are not recurring. As for triggers, I can't think of anything that causes my occasional nightmares.
Kristina, I think you and I could probably have a long conversation about the things going on in our lives; there's a lot we have in common. I'm in my last semester of college and I'm only a part-time student this time around. It's been a really disorienting semester so far because I'm so close to graduating, but not quite there. I'm trying to prepare myself for graduation and the big world outside of college, but I'm not really sure what I want to do and it's a world of all new challenges. Looking for new health insurance, job hunting for something more full-time, wondering about whether I should pursue grad school, etc. I'm excited and nervous, but also a little sad because I've enjoyed my school experience so far. I'm good at learning and I enjoy it, so I make a good student, but what now?
As far as your nightmares are concerned, I think it is probably normal. Or, at very least, you aren't alone. I get them too and they are really terrible and disorienting and tend to cling to me even after I wake up. Sometimes they are realistic enough that I have to puzzle out whether they happened or not. Sort of like Peeta (I know you've read The Hunger Games trilogy) trying to remember what really happened. But regardless, it can really affect your sleep and mental health. I don't like talking about my nightmares because I instantly feel foolish recounting things that really scared me in dreams in light of reality. But I think you are doing the right thing by talking about them and seeking reassurance from those close to you. And if you ever want to talk about it with someone who can relate, feel free to email me.
I don't have nightmares often...but during my whole moving process, I went back to my parent's house for a few days to finish cleaning things out and packing things up. during my 2 nights sleeping there, I had horrible nightmares. Like I wouldn't be surprised if I was screaming in my sleep. And I'm pretty sure I woke up crying from one of them. It was really odd and only happened during those 2 nights. Also, they both had YouTubers in them. Which is odd in and of itself because those are actually pretty rare. I'm a little nervous to go visit my parents now.
I know just how you feel about not going to school anymore. I've just graduated from university and seeing all these kids taking the buses and trains I took everyday, seeing them in coffee shops complaining about how heavy their textbooks are or their new teachers brings such nostalgia.
But I think the overriding feeling is like you said, that sense of freedom.
I have always thought nostalgia for youth doesn't really come from wanting to go back to school again or anything like that, its to do with remembering a time where you didn't have to worry about rent and cooking and all these new worries you come across all the time. But with the worries comes this extra sense that you can finally do something. It is more than worth it.
Yeah, its clear i've been thinking about this a lot.
Yup, that's normal. I had that problem when I first moved into my apartment. I had nightmares, which made me more tired than normal because I wasn't completely at rest. And so I would try to sleep more, but the nightmares kept coming back! Like you said, not boogie man nightmares, but they would rattle me for quite a bit after I woke up! I had them everyday for almost 3 weeks. Now they've kind of backed off, but every once in a while I'll have them again. It's weird!!
I don't really have the "nightmare" kind of nightmares, just the disturbing dreams where I wake up wondering what is wrong with me. And I have them often. At least three nights a week. Sometimes I think it's stress, because I never used to have these kinds of dreams, but I don't really know.
I still hate nightmares. They always seem so scary when you're sleeping, but when you wake up you realize how stupid they were (most of the time anyway).
I have really vivid nightmares, too! A lot of times, mine involve someone or something trying to hurt me... but I can't move or scream. I think during the last one I had, I was standing on some railroad tracks when I saw a train coming. I couldn't move. When I woke up, I still felt paralyzed. It was scary.
But oh my goodness! To previous commenter Zoe K... I had a dream I was in The Hunger Games, too! I was a tribute... oh my, it was frightening >.<
I've had several recurring dreams about falling down very long stairs, tornadoes... I also get alot of weird deja vu type dreams... but I guess those don't really count as nightmares.
About 50% of the time I don't remember my dreams but throughout the day I'll suddenly remember little pieces or a topic. Yesterday, I woke up from a really psychological, weird dream but I couldn't remember any of it. Then around 5 that night I remember it was about a bee farm in these train cars that were parked across the street from my house. I also remember that there was a doctor who told me about reverse adoption which, in the dream, is where if you dilike how the baby you give birth to looks you can put it in an adoption center anywehre in the world. You even get to choose the country.
Whenever I fall asleep on my couch I have dreams where I am "awake" but I can't move my body. And something like that can get really scary when you think someone is looking in your window and banging on your door.
Okay, I just want to say, Schools still havn't started?!?!?! What?!?! I went back to college in August! This is not fair! Do they not have a long Christmas break? How long are the semesters? Oh boy, I think this is from the stress of studying for the che test I have tomorrow... Also, I don't remember my dreams! I wish I did cause when I was young, I had kick ass dreams but I guess if I remembered, I would have nightmares as well as fun dreams.
Can't wait to join you in the adult world outside of school!
I have dreams where I fall asleep when I'm in the dream (kind of like Inception, but it started happening way before I saw that movie). It's really weird and disorienting, in the first "layer" of the dream my body feels really heavy and I can't keep my eyes open, and I feel like I'm sinking and fall asleep within the dream. But then I wake up from both. So it's kinda weird that way.
I have nightmares fairly often. Some are trivial - getting lost at school, friends are mad at me, people get pregnant - but other times, some serious crap goes down. I've had three separate dreams where characters on the TV show Lost have tried to kill me. The most recent one I had, my friend got beheaded. It was pretty graphic.
I did have a nightmarish (not a word, but don't care)dream around Halloween time last year. I dreamed I was being chased by zombies in a big chain store and, it being Halloween, had a ton of decorations in it. So to distract the hungry zombies, I pointed to a pallet of plastic brains and shouted "Brains" and they went for the (fake) bait. So I'm just saying, if there ever is a zombie apocalypse, please let it happen around Halloween.
A lot of my dreams start out being disturbing/disconcerting/upsetting, but I think most of the time they have happy endings. It's rare that I wake from a dream really upset or scared.
Though, I once also had a dream that a guy was trying to kill me. At the end of the dream, I was hiding from him in a closet or something, and holding my breath so he wouldn't hear me. Then I woke up because I was literally holding my breath in my sleep.
When I do wake up scared, though, I usually realize immediately that it was a dream, and just feel really relieved rather than upset.
Kristina!! This is so weird.
I woke up a few hours ago from a dream where I was at some kind of fair. I was trying to find a yellow backpack when I hear "Not Half Bad" and I turn around and there you are with Eia just rocking out. I start to sing along and... Yes. xD I rememeber waking up and thinking about your blog for some reason and here I am reaing it and your post is about DREAMS. (Well, nightmares.)
Also, you (as in the Parselmouths) should come to Sweden and play some shows. Just saying... xD
I still have nightmares, too. There is one similar to your lumpy face nightmare, but for me, it's about my teeth. In my dream, my teeth just start falling out and look all messed up. I always wake up feeling for my teeth.
I think I've had more nightmares as a teenager than I did as a kid. Or at least ones that I remember. I always figure it has something to do with facing some more adult issues, and that they seem scarier to me because they're about things that could actually happen, rather than a hypothetical monster in my closet.
The only thing I've found to help it so far is reading or thinking about something super light-hearted right before I go to sleep.
I have nightmares all the time...Sometimes I have multiple nightmares in one night. Most of my nightmares end in me dying a slow, painful death and I wake up disoriented. It's something that really messes up my sleep because I never feel well rested when I spent the night dying multiple deaths. God, I hate nightmares.
Oh my. My nightmares.
They are the same as yours in a sense that, no they aren't boogeyman dreams. But I've started to have dreams that change information I've studied for European history.
The worst was when I was Queen Elizabeth's lady in waiting. We would plot against other empires and I'd help her do her hair. Then we get into these huge political talks that don't make sense whatsoever.
Dreams about history are horrible. I get completely messed up on information and it makes me tired to wake up.
If that makes any sense.
Then again, my old dreams consisted of Selena Gomez playing this big mystery game in this creepy house, a gay couple hanging out by a car, and a pig named Priscilla.
the last time i remember having a weird dream and waking up still thinking it was real was a dream i had about my friend in which i went to trim her hair (she has LONGGGG lush mermaid hair) and i don't know why but i was using a razor and i forgot to change the length settings and i buzzed a bald patch into the back of her head. like took a whole ponytail off. and my stomach DROPPED. as i woke up, the feeling still sat in my gut and the first thought i had was, anisah is going to flipping kill me. and then i realised it was dream. but i felt reallllly bad for a few minutes after waking. anyways. i don't have nightmares that often but most of them are pretty scary. once a hobo was chasing me to hug me and i woke up as i about to punch her in the face ... she was a scary hobo, okay?
I'm 22 and still get nighmares. Recently, they've focused around taking the GRE (i.e.: I show up to take the test and it's in another language. Or I finish the test, but without any pants on).
In my opinion, it's normal, Chica.
I always have really creepy (or really amazing) dreams that no one else would find scary and/or amazing. My nightmares are never really the "so scared you'll never sleep again" kind, but usally they creep me out enough that I can't fall back asleep without either reading Harry Potter first or listening to music. Sounds weird, but its true!
Ah, thank you so much for answering my question. I know that you're right, and I should stop stressing over the times I'm not invited to get-togethers or whatever. I'm going to attempt to follow your advice, while trying to keep it as painless as possible. I know I have amazing friends all over the continent, and even in my own city, so I think I'll survive. Only one more year left, then I'm out of high school. Kind of bitter-sweet, I'd say.
And bleh, those nightmares sound horrible. I get nightmares every few months. Often they involve bugs. *shudders*
I still remember the first nightmare I ever had. When I was around 7 years old, I used to play the Indiana Jones video game. In one of my dreams, I looked out of my window and the lava monster was taking out my garbage.
It was terrifying.
<3
-Alex
You're definitely not alone in having nightmares if the comments are anything to go by! I'm nearly 20 and still have nightmares about my parents being dead or being lost in a shop and not being able to find my way out. It happens to everyone, so I wouldn't worry about being 'too old' for having nightmares. :)
The night i read this i had a nightmare xD i recall a contest about giant spiders being wrapped in paper, marines looking at me, and lots of running. Yeah. Weird.
About a month ago I had a Pokemon-related dream. In fact, when i was a kid i suffered of nightmares thanks to the digimon/clown thing. I never said anything, though, because i feared my parents would forbid me to watch Pokemon and/or Digimon. I was a pretty smart child lol.
I had a dream recently where I, well, basically killed my boyfriend with a knife. yep. Not the best dream to have. But i blame it on having watched nearly a whole season of Dexter in a day. I just hope that's the reason...
It's pretty strange, but lately, I've had this recurring nightmare that I meet the next generation children from Deathly Hallows. Now...I know this SOUNDS like it would be totally awesome, but in every single nightmare, I HATE how they look and act. And this makes me paranoid for the movie epilogue. What if I hate them? That would be a really suckish ending to the last Harry Potter film. #nerdynightmares
I once had a nightmare where I was in a Maths class and I started to tell my teacher something about Docter Who. She was looking at me really weirdly and then, suddenly, she pulled out this lazer gun and started shooting at me! In my dream, I just figured she was an alien and I ran out of the classrooom. Then I had to pull the firealarm to get everyone out of the building to safety away from the homicidal Maths teacher. I woke up and my heart was beating like I'd just run a mile. It was so scary!
I pnce had a nightmare where I was in a Maths class and I started to tell my teacher something about Doctor Who. She starts looking at me really weirdly, then pulls out this lazer gun and starts shooting at me! So, in this dream, I just figure she must be an alien set on destroying the world.Then I run out into the corridor and pull the firealarm so everyone can get away from this homicidal Maths teacher. That's when I wake up and feel myself sweating all over. My heart was beating so fast. I was so scared!
So, I'm sorry if this a little too "out there", but my mom studies dreams and she says that nightmares exist to get are attention -- the best way to get someone's attention is to scare them. So most likely, your nightmares have a really important "message" to you in them that will help you. I don't really know any of the symbolism in those dreams, but if you think of the really scary things as parts of yourself, or new situations... that might help. Anyway I hope you start sleeping better soon :)
I think this comment didn't send before, but if you've already read it, don't read this one. :)
So, sorry if this is a little too "out there", but my mom studies dreams and she says that usually nightmares have a really important message to convey. The easiest way to get someone's attention is to scare them, so looking at the symbolism in those dreams can really help you. Usually the scary part is either a part of yourself, or a symbol for something in your life that you're afraid of. Yeah so sorry if that's a little bit too Trelawney-esque, but I hope you sleep better soon :)
I've been having lots of vivid dreams lately, I wouldn't say they were nightmares, but some have been scary, for the most part though they seam very real and I have to remind myself what is real and what is not real when I wake up. Like resently I had this dream where I found out this guy in my class liked me and we started dating. When I woke up it took my about 15 min to realise that it was a dream even though in thinking back on the dream none of it made much sense and every thing lookes different. So yea.
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