Warning: I am being a huge Buffy dork in this entry, but if you want to hear me gushing about the beauty of human emotion, then please continue.
I am really embarrassed about this but I am feeling incredibly emotional today. That sort of pit-of-your-stomach emotion that will only pass with time.
Nothing is wrong with me, don't worry. I've just power-marathoned through a lot of Season 5 of Buffy this weekend (I was supposed to be out partying with gamer nerds at fancy PAX parties last night but an unfortunate burrito stomachache incident rendered me couch-ridden) and it is such a painful season to get through.
I mean, and I've just started getting over the sadness that struck me when I finished Mockingjay - I was not prepared for the amount of pain and loss that Joss Whedon has put on my plate with this season. The episode "The Body" actually made me cry as though I'd lost someone too, and the lack of any backing music made watching the entire thing an edge-of-your-seat gripping experience. "Forever" wasn't much better, and following that immediately with "Intervention" made me realize I spent much of my day mourning the loss of fictional characters in a way that felt distressingly real.
I'm not going to have time to finish Season 5 before I leave for the Bahamas, which is a real suck, but it'll make the last two episodes of the season that much more intense when I get home.
I was realizing the other day that literally every book I have read recently was depressing. First I read 13 Reasons Why, a book about a box of tapes left behind by a girl who committed suicide and blamed those around her for her decision. Then I read Feed, which shows a depressing version of the future where everyone is so "plugged in" that they lose sight of what's important and an innocent girl's life is lost because of it. Then I read Mockingjay, which obviously goes without saying as to the depressing nature of the book. And now Season 5 of Buffy has left me numb and cold, but it's been my favorite stretch of episodes thus far.
I think the reason that I love reading and watching these difficult, dark stories is because it makes me feel something so real. I love a happy ending, yeah, and a cute little whimsical tale or a romantic comedy can put a smile on my face, but it's not very impactful. It doesn't resonate something deep within you like a good tragedy can. A tragedy can kind of open you up, make you feel a bit raw, or change the way you view the world around you.
Maybe this makes me weird, like I thrive on other people's (fake people's) pain or something, but I don't think that's it. I just find human emotion to be the most interesting tool in storytelling, and when authors or directors can capture that so wholly and realistically and beautifully in their work; I find that to be the most powerful form of art.
Also, I know I am not the first girl, and certainly not the last girl to say this, but I absolutely love Spike and I love his transformation, and my heart breaks every time the gang kicks him aside. He's trying! He's really trying. I've had a soft spot in my heart for Draco Malfoy for the last ten or so years of my life that many people have always felt was unwarranted, but I'm seeing now that Spike is who I always wished Draco would become while I was reading Harry Potter. Justin and I fight about this all the time because he thinks that Spike has used up all his "second chances" tenfold, but I disagree. And not just because I love him as a character.
I am going to stop being an absolute dork right now, because I need to finish packing for the Bahamas. We have a long, looong red-eye flight tonight with a 6 hour layover (gross) so I need to make sure I am armed and prepared with books, laptop, gameboy, etc.
I don't know if I'll have internet but I'll be blogging regardless while I am there, so expect tales of adventures and funtimes, and in this case, hopefully, for all our sake, no tragedy.
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