Friday, May 28, 2010

Why I always need to be busy.

I don't know what to do with myself when I am not busy. Does anyone else get like this?

It's weird. I have plenty of things I like doing with my time. I love writing. I love reading books. I like catching up on TV shows, and making food, and going for walks; I like playing music and cleaning out my room and organizing things, I like puttering around online, taking baths, going shopping, talking on the phone or on skype - but I don't usually have a ton of free time to do that stuff.

I keep myself very busy - with school, homework, plans with friends or family, making videos, replying to emails, going on trips, making appointments, meetings, projects, deadlines, collaborations, etc.

So when I DO have a day with little to nothing planned, like today, I just don't know what to do with myself.

This is how my train of thought went just now.

I am doing laundry today. I could fold the next load of laundry. But it's still a little damp, so I give it more time, and come back upstairs.
I could take a shower. Or I could read a book! But - oh, here's an idea, I could take a BATH, and read a book while bathing. That would be nice. But what book should I read? I haven't read anything new since Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I would have to start a new book.
I'm going to sit on the edge of my bed where I can see my bookshelf and ponder over the books I have on my shelf but haven't begun reading yet.

Feed, by M.T. Anderson?
Diary, by Chuck Palahniuk?
Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher?

Or, well, hm. I kind of want to read them all. I'm going to put my head down on my bed for a minute and think about this. It's very soft, and I'm still in my pajamas. And I'm a little tired, even though it's only five o'clock. Maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a minute…

Twenty minutes later, my roommate runs up the stairs to ask me something, stops in the doorway, and I hear him say, "Kristina, why are you sleeping at the foot of your bed?"

And then I mumble something about the bookshelf being too far away and trying to multitask my free time and I realize I am talking nonsense, and man, I do not do well with free time.

Even when I don't need to multi-task, I find myself doing it, because I work better when I FEEL busy. Catching up on Glee while folding my laundry. Reading a book while bathing. Getting multiple things done at the same time, even when I have all day to myself, to do anything I want with the time.

Now if I could just find a way to make videos while I sleep and write blog posts while doing the dishes, life would be great.

Tomorrow morning, I am leaving for a camping trip that I am quite looking forward to. What I am about to say makes me sound like some work-a-holic internet obsessed freak, but this will be the first time I have gone on a vacation without my laptop since I bought a laptop for the first time, four years ago. Mostly I'm leaving it home because there will be no wifi or place to plug it in, but also because I deserve a little break from the Internet this weekend. A nice little mental break before the last week of college.

My phone gets email sent to it though, so I guess I'm not completely checking out. Haha.
But anyway. No laptop. Just me, my family, my best friend Eia, a campfire, the tide flats, marshmallows, hot dogs, probably some rain, the river, dirt paths, clam digging and nature. I can't wait. :)

I wanted to bring up all the comments on my last entry. I can't believe how many of you are going through such crazy things in your life right now! So many of you are graduating from high school, or have just started college, or are completely leaving your life to spend a year in a foreign country, just wow. And thank you to all the first time commenters; it's always nice to hear from new people.

I am going to reply to a couple people now, though I wish I could reply to everyone:

April, I know what you mean about freedom also bringing pressure, because suddenly it's entirely up to you to prove to people (and to yourself) that you're using that freedom in a productive way.
Caliowin, I'm sorry to hear about your tonsillitis!
Azu, congrats on your Orthography contest! I don't know what that is, but it sounds fancy!
Partyweetow, I am so sorry about your cat Lumpy. Losing a pet is like losing a friend, and that's never easy.
Danielle, a huge congrats on grad school. And thank you for the encouraging words on always being able to change your path if you are unhappy.
TessaBessa! Good luck on your date!
Alylurker, you'll do great in Spain. It's hard not going back to what's familiar, but I really hope your summer is fantastic.
Giascreen, I am so sorry your dad wont be able to see you graduate. And never apologize for sharing your experiences with others, I can't even count the number of times I've dumped sad things here on this blog.
Appletrain, wow. Moving from California to the Middle East is a huge change, but I am sure you'll find things you love about both places as you adjust.
Sarah-Mechelle, you just opened your own cafe! That's awesome.

So many of you are doing so many amazing things - I can't believe what an impressive group of people I have reading about MY experiences. After reading your comments to my last post, I seriously wanted to find out more about every single one of your lives.

Last google search: "bbiab" <-- Alan Lastufka said this to me on skype, and I had to look up what it meant. "Be back in a bit." Really, Alan? That needed an acronym? THOSE ARE ALL SHORT WORDS.
Chipotle burritos: 10


Kris said...

I like to go camping a lot, and I find that it's always nice to just be disconnected for a few days. No cell service, no internet, no nothing. I was surprised the first time I went after getting a laptop how little I missed it. I hope you have fun! =)

KaraDawlish said...

most irrelevant art of the post but i needed to add, 13 reasons why is definitely not all it's cracked up to be. it's not that good at all. have SO much fun camping! Sounds like a blast :]

Jess the Nerdfighting Band Geek said...

I am almost the complete opposite. I know I have something to do, but I must continually refresh the same pages over and over even though I'm bored. I feel like I've run out of things to do on the internet sometimes, but I don't get off. I wish I had your crazy multitasker issues instead of my crazy lazy issues.

DoomAngelKitty said...

You read Thirteen Reasons Why? Did you like it?
I need to play Pokemon, read, play basketball/hockey, or just write to my pen pals. On school camps, I found out that I don't need a computer or an iPod to keep me happy.

partyweetow said...

I love your blog. Please never stop writing. <3

carla said...

THIS IS MY LIFE. i finally have all the time in the world do all the stuff i want to do, read all the stuff i want to read, and instead i sit around thinking about all the stuff i want to do/books i want to read. and then fall asleep.

i keep hearing about people going camping - i want to go camping! last time i went i was about 9 and my sister told me what to do if bears attack and i completely freaked out and was terrified the entire time. sigh. have fun! :)

Maggie said...

I know exactly what you mean about needing to stay busy! My summer started last week, and I have found myself wandering around my house. Just wandering. I have a plethora of things I could be doing-- practicing piano, working on making videos, starting my summer homework assignments, doing college searches, ETCETERA. But all of that can feel so overwhelming that I am reduced to pacing my floors.

Kai said...

When I unnecessarily multi-task, it's usually to distract me from something I don't really want to do.
Like folding laundry (don't really want to do) while watching glee!

Camping sounds a lot of fun! I just got accepted to the CIT (counselor in training) program at the camp I've been going for 10 years (11 this year) and I am super excited :D!

Phoenix said...

I tried going camping once with the girl scouts... totally not my thing, but I'm excited for you!

Also, you and Luke are coming to the roflcoptour in New Orleans, right? I know it's like the day after VidCon so I wanted to make sure. I got a lot of people into ALL CAPS recently and I don't wanna tell them yall are coming and then you aren't

alylurker said...

Aww thanks for replying!! <333
I'm going camping this weekend too with no internet! I'm both excited and terrified! xD

Niki. said...

I'm kinda like that, too. It seems like I'm always either way too busy, or not busy enough... ahah.

But, anyway, I hope you have fun camping without the internet! =].

Cody Ferguson said...

I read Feed by M.T. Anderson last week and I enjoyed it very much. Have fun camping!

Ukulelly said...

I'm exactly the same, but I find if I have nothing to do I start thinking a bit existentially and get depressed. No idea what I'm going to do when I finish uni in a week!

Also, read Feed as your next book :) it's easy to read! Absolutely fantastic ideas, not the best writing but the story carries it.

Anonymous said...

I do that too! The best thing is when I leave something to cool, or set, or download, or fix itself on its own while I go off and do other things. I feel so productive! It's weird, but I guess it's better than just doing nothing all the time!

Kristina: what plans do you have after you graduate? :)

BenCracknell said...

Once again, great to hear about your wonderful life! I read about fantastic things from both you and Hayley, thinking about when my time to live it up's going to happen, and I honestly think It's just starting to. I'm making YouTube videos, entering video competition, albeit Twilight ones, and maybe even travelling down to London to be a fan spokesperson. This is freaking awesome.

Have a good day!

eibbore said...

I know what you mean. There are so many things I want to do in my life and I am always making excuses that I have no time to do them but when I have time I have NO IDEA what to do. It's such a conundrum. I want to learn a language, instrument, watch more films, learn to tap dance but I when I have free time it doesn't seem like I can just go and do one of these things because they seem like you need to fit them into everyday life to accomplish them and apparently I'm not very good at that.

Sorry /worry rant

noms said...

You seriously don't know what orthography is? Hayley would be disappointed. Otherwise, your life sounds pretty interesting.

Azu said...

Thanks for answering :)

An Orthography (or grammatical) contest is like this: a person gives us a dictation of 40 words, usually complicated, we write them down... and that's it. It's harder than it sounds. For instance, did you know that "Epígrafe" and "Segismundo", were actual names?

I tied with a boy, twice. The first time they gave us another dictation of 20 words. The second one, another 20 words. In the end, the reason he got disqualified was really dumb. He forgot to put "Epigrafe" with a capital "E". Ha-ha.

RhianonLives said...

It's lovely to hear from you again!
I'm finishing high school too, I can imagine how stressed out you've been lately... You definitely deserve a break!
Hey, by the way, have you seen anything about the eurovision festival? Germany won with the most superficial stupidest song, but I liked Ukraine...

Connor said...

Haha I remember when I went camping outside Pittsburgh in April I was like 'no Internet?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!'

but it ended up being a nice break :)

Madeline said...

I know exactly what you mean about trying to parallel process no matter what I'm doing. Sometimes I find myself watching a movie and talking to a friend and alternately catching up on YouTube subscriptions and playing Bejeweled on Facebook all at the same time, and I have to yell "STOP THE MADNESS" inside my head. This happens to me at least three times a week.

Anonymous said...

I have a terrible job doing what you're doing! Even when I take on one project, I'll tell myself "I'll do it at 1:00, no exceptions" then go by every half hour procrastinating until my mother will tell me that my project work is still out at 10 and there's no project.
I've got quite a thing with procrastinating. Maybe I feel like my work is too hard? I don't know, it's only 7th grade things, but then I read about people such as you who have to write a thesis. That's when I feel like I should really be looking at my work from a different perspective. That slightly helps, but not that much. I just can't kick the habit of doing other things with my time, even if it's not productive.

Also, I would read 13 Reasons Why. I read it, and though it got a bit explicit for my age group at times, you'll obviously be able to handle it. Some commenter has said that it's not all that it's cracked up to be, but I must disagree. I thought it was cute in a sad way, but a good read all together.

Have fun camping:)

Steph said...

I'm exactly the same, Kristina. I always have to multi-task; I find it easier to concentrate and keep up on things. Right now, I have six tabs open and an OpenOffice document up, along with both my USBs. Some people wonder how I don't get confused... but I just don't.

As for reading, I suggest Thirteen Reasons Why. I haven't actually read it, yet, but I own it, my friend has borrowed it, and she loved it so much that she re-borrowed it to re-read it. I think that speaks for itself, since she's not the kind of person who re-reads.

Multi-tasking FTW (:
(Why is FTW an acronym? They're short words, like BBIAB xD)

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about not finding something to do. My life's been non-stop busy since January and whenever I had an afternoon off from college, I'd go through all the things I could possibly do through my mind, be unable to decide... and go for a nap instead. Without fail.

And now I've left college, I have four weeks of study leave... and two exams two weeks apart. I like to think that I'll get other, very productive things done in between revising but...

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kira902k said...

Have fun camping!
Whenever I have a lot to do, I avoid doing it at all costs. It's actually horrible. I'd rather clean my room or walk the dog than do the stuff I HAVE to do.
I have my finals that determine which college I get into now. Which sucks. So nervous :S


Michelle said...

I LOVED Thirteen Reasons Why, but based on Fight Club, I'd recommend the Chuck Palahniuk novel.
...I haven't actually read any of his other stuff, though, because I'm DUMB.

Anonymous said...

You're totally awesome! <3 not only because you're a Slytherin. Thanks! and I'm exactly the same. I have two free days ahead of me but nothing to do... but is that true? NO! I can do many things that I rarely have time to normally. I can read Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter or Obamas books <3, youtube and bogging is more fun or something.

Take care! DFTBA.

thisiscarlye said...

This is kind of backtracking a little, but I wanted to thank you in general for having this blog. Your experience last summer in England and how you felt after what happened to you and Alex is something that I can recently relate to. I just went through the worst breakup of my life and it came out of absolutely no where, I had so many things planned that I suddenly can't do and the last month or so has been the hardest part of my life thus far. I've never gotten to such a low point before in my life and while I'm getting better and things are starting to look up, it's still really hard and one of the things that I keep thinking about is that you went through something so similar and now you have Luke and so many things in your life are looking much brighter and I can't wait to get back to that point. I'm just grateful that you shared some of your feelings as everything was happening to you because it's honestly so helpful to know that someone else went through this and came out stronger because of it and I know eventually I'll get there too.

JesB said...

I think you should read 13 reasons why. I like it a lot. In fact I like it enough to buy it for my kindle. Happy camping!

tranquilily said...

this quote is often on my teabags:
"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do."
-Jerome K. Jerome

Cait said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kayla Carcone said...

Hey Kristina,

I love to camp. I basically live IN the woods, so nature is always in my life.

My free time is basically my considered busy. I have to plan out my "activites".

Like Watch SNL with my Mom,
Or take a nap.

We could start a busy-body club (:

Have fun in the wilderness,
Kayla (:

Anonymous said...

I definitely love to be busy, though that usually means I procrastinate until the last possible second when I still have time to finish everything I need to do in a quality I'm satisfied with - just so I can feel incredibly busy while I work. I'm totally with you on working better while busy.

(First-time commenter but longtime fan, by the way! I'm the "star" of the Harry Potter rap video that analise-emue mentioned in her comment on your last entry. I absolutely adore Wizard Rock, but I'm unfortunately not talented enough to make any myself - so the raps are my best effort at professing my undying love for Harry Potter. We got our second video (Harry Potter and the Rap of Secrets) out, if you're interested!)

Steph_1o1 said...

wow! You sound so pro active!! :) I'm just finished my first year in college and have LOADS of free time, but unlike you I LOVE IT!! Even when I was in college I can honestly say I enjoyed my 'free' time (the time when I am meant to be doing work!)almost more than my summer free time!

I would love to be all pro-active though, getting everything done, and enjoying doing it!!

What's your secret? I mean you must get really tired no? Between college work and hanging out, and if you work, that too. I don't know how you do it all! Plus your always so chirpy in your videos :) Like superwoman or something!! so do tell your secret recipe for success in multi-tasking!

ps: love your music!!! especially ALL CAPS :)

Another State of Mind said...

READ THIRTEEN REASONS WHY. I Love that book so much! It's really fantastic. :)

Anonymous said...

your son/daughter is so cute............................................................

Lucas said...

im moving to a new school its going to be hard im in midle school so ill have to watch out for bullies and stuff