Bittersweet end of trip things

I haven't written a blog post in awhile and I feel weird about it.


There have been things happening in my life (yes, again) that I haven't been able to get past, and it's been stopping me from saying anything really, on this blog. Sometimes it hits me how much of my soul is bared for the world to see and I just have to reel it in a little bit.

I left off on Tuesday morning of last week.

I installed Snow Leopard the other day, and it keeps autocorrecting my spelling errors on textedit, which it never did before. It's freaking me out.
(I type my blog posts up on textedit before putting them in blogger. Habit. I don't even give myself the chance of accidentally losing an entire blog entry by accidentally clicking back or forward on the page or something, after how many times that's happened in the past).

Anyway, Tuesday. I endured a long day of walking through the rain, waiting for people's phone calls, being grumpy and eventually spending a relatively awkward night at Alex's with him and Charlie. On our laptops. So that was eventful.

I did finally get a copy of Catching Fire though, which I have been trying to savor so I have something really good and exciting to do on the plane home tomorrow.

So the Alex time was weird and a blur, and the next morning I got up, packed up a few of my things, and went back to Heathrow. I had one more trip to Dublin planned, to do more filming with RTE for ApartmentRed stuff. I had an absolute blast, again. Spending time with Adam (whataboutadam, to clarify) has been one of my favorite parts of this trip, and filming with the rest of the cast was just as fun as the first time. I had more lines this time, and filmed a scene inside a cardboard box with Stephen, and just all around enjoyed all of my second venture up to Ireland. I got to know the rest of the cast a lot better as well, and I am sad I wont get to work with Damon, Dermot and Esther on a regular basis after this. I hate that Seattle is so far from Ireland!

Wednesday night Adam and I went out for Indian food with Aaron (the guy in charge of ApartmentRed) and Dermot, which was naturally a highlight for me. Thursday night Stephen took us to see Jimmy Carr with his friend Barry, which was exciting. I thought he was a bit too vulgar for my taste, but I wont deny he had me laughing at some points. Plus we had front row seats. During the intermission we went to a little shop and I tried to buy the most non-American food I could (since my time here is growing shorter), so I bought Lucozade and a Sausage Roll. Adam also got this candy bar called "Yorkie" and made me try it, even though I felt strange doing so, as it said "NOT FOR GIRLS" plainly on the side. Weirdo candy bars. Also, the Lucozade exploded all over me. Fun times.
Friday was pretty uneventful, but Adam and I had lunch with Orlagh, who is the new Red employee who oversees the actors I suppose, and she was nice. We talked about doing interesting Media things in college and she offered to send me her Thesis. Haha. I made my way into a few gift shops as well, since I'm a tourist and silly.

Friday night I got back to London and I was supposed to go back to Alex's, but due to… unforeseen circumstances, that didn't end up happening. So I carted myself over to Rosi's house (without any of my luggage) to stay at her place.

Saturday morning I went into London to hang out with Emma and Claire, and we went shopping and I got to experience Wagamama, and then we sat in a Starbucks for awhile. I savored the chocolate and caramel shortbread bar I purchased, because I don't think they have them in America and I LOVE them. How I will survive without the chocolate and caramel shortbread bar, I haven't grappled with yet.
Claire went home and Emma and I headed over to j0ames's house, where we did the aforementioned (previous blog post) Derren Brown chair sticking activities. I was so glad I got to see him again before I left.

I could go on, I suppose, but I am tired of typing things and I need to start packing because my flight leaves tomorrow and I have stuff all over Rosi's guestroom and I have another full day planned today in London. I am feeling so bittersweet about leaving, it's insane. I want to go home SO BADLY, and get the heck away from London and everything that's happened here. I need a "then" and "now" version of my life and I need to stuff all of these horrible and confusing feelings into the "then" category.
But on the other hand.. the support group I have had here, and the friends I have gotten so close to, and just the ridiculous amount of fun times I DID have… I'm not ready to leave that behind.

The idea of not seeing Rosi, or my new friend Claire, or Johnny or James or Liam or Jerry or even the people I didn't get to see as much like Tom and Ashlee and Anna and Cheeky Gary and Alex Hinksman … two months is a long time to be here and feel like you're becoming part of a different world, and to know that I am walking away from all of it to go home, far away from this life and these people, tomorrow morning, is scary. I honestly have more friends in London than I do in Seattle. The people I miss at home, in general, are scattered out across the whole of America and I don't know when I will see them next either. :/

I really.. started to feel like I lived here, even though I was house hopping and never sure where I was going to be on a particular day. But I have gotten used to the tube. I have gotten used to these people; these friends. I have gotten used to London and GBP and not driving and knowing I have plenty of people I could call if I need anything here.


And Emma. I don't know HOW I am going to say goodbye to Emma. I don't know what we would have done this summer without each other.

I'm afraid I'm going to feel MORE lonely at home than I did here.

School starts soon. Maybe everything will be different. Maybe I'll be busy and meet new people and.. I don't know. I have been handed a fresh start and I suppose it's time to take it.