Monday, June 4, 2012

In which I am apparently a squirrel.

Time is moving so quickly!

I can't believe that not only have I lived at Hypercube for over a month now, but that it's already JUNE - putting us halfway into 2012 and nearly right in the thick of the annual summer convention craziness. I'm not really ready to accept that half of 2012 is over yet, but this has been a year of so many changes and exciting developments in my life that I'm not in any state to slow down, either. I feel like I am flying through this year, arms outstretched, feeling the wind and the memories and the new friends and experiences soaring through my hair, making me glad every day for the decisions I made that set me on this path.

It is human nature to second guess our decisions. In reality, it is the very fact that we can second-guess our life choices that gives us our unique humanity. Do you think squirrels spend days or weeks deciding which nuts to scavenge and from where? No. They feel hungry, they see an acorn, they take it.

We, on the other hand, would budget out how many nuts we need and the work involved in obtaining them, comparing and contrasting the nutritional value of nuts still attached to trees or ones lying on the ground. We'd research where the other squirrels are getting THEIR nuts and figure out what these different places will say about us as squirrel-citizens in the larger societal setting. We'd window shop, looking at various nuts but not actually buying them; we'd try to find the places giving bargain nuts and at the end of the day, you know we'd rather spend our money on a nicer tree or a bigger den, so we'd probably just have our nuts ordered in from the local take-out acorn tree. And even then we'd wonder if we should have chosen the healthier option, or worried that the neighbors had seen us order in more than once that week, or panic if we were missing out on a popular new seeds-only diet.

I'm currently trying to live my life in a way that makes me happy I just took the nut, instead of constantly wondering what could have been.

There were a lot of decisions that went along with the choice not to move to LA last summer. Especially working in the field that I do, LA sort of has this "eyes on the prize" feeling about it. Regardless of how well I feel like I am doing in the career-realm, I can't help but notice that I find myself often surrounded by people who believe that LA is the sort of "final frontier" of this kind of work. And when I get those reminders, I have to wonder if deciding not to move to LA was a throwing-in-the-towel of sorts. Of sabotaging myself, when I could probably succeed there. Of severing (or at the very least loosening) ties that could be useful to me in the future.

But then I look at Job Hunters, and all I've learned, and the people I've met in this past year, and I'm really freaking happy I took the nut. I don't regret it. I do honestly feel like my decision to stay here was the right one, and even though other squirrels might be living in cushy two story dens at the tops of trees made of gold, I'm happy I took the nut.

There's this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that LA is still a hovering beacon in the future that I can't swat away, but I am trying not to think about it right now. I know plenty of people (John and Hank being the largest of that sect) who manage to do everything they want to do from their home cities very, very far from the flashy lights of Hollywood, so for now, I won't think about.

For now, I will just relish in the fact that I can be successful in whichever city I choose, if I put my mind to it. Which I have been. Because I took the nut.


Nicole said...

This is very inspirational, Kristina. I am a firm believer in the "bloom where you're planted" sort of thing, meaning just make the most out of wherever you are. If you're happy in Seattle, you should stay in Seattle! You're doing well. Keep it up. :)

Beth said...

Thank you, Kristina! Without even knowing it, you said exactly what I needed to hear. I recently made some relatively life-changing decisions without being 100% sure they were necessarily the RIGHT decisions... but I, too, took the nut! Here's to hoping my situation works out as well as yours has. :)

Anna said...

Love this (and not only because I'm an Alpha Gam and our mascot is the squirrel). I disagree with whoever would consider LA the "final frontier" of a career of your kind. I see the YouTubers in LA and what they're doing and you're doing so much more where you are. Heck, I'd rather see you in London than LA. But as long as you're happy where you are there's no better place to be!

AmyK7 said...

Kristina, I'm sure you could be successful wherever you are, once you put your mind to it. :)
But right now, just think of everything you've done and accomplished in the past few months & how you could've missed out on it all if you had moved to LA!
I'm really proud of what you've done, and I'm so glad you made the decisions you have. You've got your whole future ahead of you, and maybe in a few years your career will bring you to California & it will be at the right time.
Until then, you've got Job Hunters, you've got HyperCube, and you've got all your Seattle friends & successes (as well as those to come!). Your happiness makes me happy. <3

kira902k said...

You TAKE that nut, Kristina!

Benn Jones said...

From what you put out there, a lot of your success seems very intrinsic. I think no matter where you are as long as YOU are there, you will be successful. You're an inspiring, cheerful and grateful person on camera and thats what people want to see in a success. Not spoiled or selfish. I can't say what you're like off camera, but I'm guessing its close to the person you are on camera. At least I'm sure we all hope you are. :)

Wyatthaplo said...

Glad you are happy and doing what you want to do. I like the nut analogy. This year really has gone sooooo quickly!!! Hope things carry on being good for you.

NicoleCorp said...

*clap clap clap*
This was amazingly well-written. I loved it! It was insightful and beautiful and it really made me think about the decisions I had made and about how I do actually think they were the right ones. So, thankyou :)
It's funny how everything you read, see or hear always seems to relate to you...

Laura said...

I love this post! It really helped me figure out a couple of issues that have been holding me back in my own life. Thank you so much, your blog is amazing!

Jenna said...

I have this issue when it comes to editing! I keep hearing that I am going to have to move to New York, but I'm so hesitant. I'd rather stay somewhere I'm more comfortable so that I can still continue doing the other things I love (writing, singing, making videos). This was exactly what I needed to hear at this very moment. You're going to be amazing, Kristina, no matter where you are. :)

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