Thursday, June 23, 2011

Serious Announcement about this summer.

I have a bunch of fun things I want to be blogging about right now, like my most recent trip to LA, summer plans, and my speculations on Pottermore, but I have to make a kind of hard announcement right now so those things are going to have to wait.

This is something I have been meaning to talk about publicly for awhile, but it's a difficult and kind of personal topic for me so I've been putting it off. Literally for years. But it has become more and more apparent to me recently how bad it's gotten, so I can't really hide it anymore.

The announcement, as much as it pains me to say this, is that I have to drop off of the ConTour this summer. I know ALL CAPS is only playing on it for less than two weeks, but I was super pumped about those shows and hate letting anyone down. And every time I've gotten an @reply on Twitter or an excited message in my ask box on Tumblr recently, I've felt really guilty as I mulled over what to do.

Basically, the long story short, is that I have vocal nodes that are increasing in severity. I first realized I had a problem with my singing voice back in 2009 when I went to the first LeakyCon and lost my voice there completely for no reason. It took me an alarmingly long time to get my voice back then, and once I did, I still found I couldn't sing for almost 4 months. I didn't really tell anyone about it, since this was around the time I was studying in London and didn't need to use my singing voice very much then. I didn't know what was going on and I had no idea that even continuing to talk as much as I do on a day to day basis was causing lasting damage.

Once I got my voice back in the fall of that year, I jumped right back into my normal routine. Luke and I were working on Bmin/E at that time, and I was gearing up for 2010's summer RoflcopTour. But there was a little piece of me that knew there was something seriously wrong with my voice, because tour was a struggle. I was raspy every night after shows, and there were stretches where I could barely play the shows at all. But I powered through, because touring and performing and making my fans happy is important to me. When I came home though, I finally went to a voice specialty doctor. They shoved a tube down my throat and told me that sure enough, I had nodes. Mild ones, but they were still there.

I went to a speech therapist for awhile, and they gave me all these tiny little things I could change to try and improve things (speaking in a slightly higher register, avoiding milk and citrus and spicy foods, no singing in the car, avoid talking over loud music in clubs/bars, talk less in general) so I started making changes in my life.

But how do you tell a YouTuber to stop talking? And how does one turn down going on fall tour with all her best friends? So I was irresponsible. I went on Triple Rainbow Awesome Tour. I did another short album with Luke. I continued to sing, and talk, and just hoped the little changes I had made in my life would be enough to make the nodes subside.

They weren't.

Things have only gotten much, much worse. The last few months have been really stressful amd hard for me. As someone who has been singing my whole life and has it literally affects my mood depending on if my voice is around or not, I've been crushed. I can't go more than a few days without getting raspy, and I can never count on my voice being okay for singing or performing on particular dates because it's so iffy. I've had to start turning down friends who invite me out to places that are loud, and silly as this sounds, one of the hardest parts has been not being able to participate in any sort of sing-a-longs with friends in months (road trips, campfires, etc).

It's a terrible cycle where the nodes stress me out every single day (I mean, what do you even HAVE without a voice? How do you communicate? It's a difficult concept for me to even grasp), but stress contributes to nodes, so hard or not, I have to start taking care of them.

It just sort of hit me recently that if I don't want to do any lasting damage, I need to stop being selfish and reckless now. I need to take care of myself NOW. So while I am going to be at LeakyCon and VidCon and will continue to perform there because they are important to me, I can't go on tour this summer. And I don't know how many singing related projects I will be able to do in the immediate future. This is a really good time for me to really focus on writing, and deal with the fact that silence might need to be a part of my life for a little while.

Anyway, I am truly sorry to anyone I have disappointed who was planning on coming to the ALL CAPS shows this summer. I'll still be around at both major conferences to meet and say hi to anyone who wants to, but I hope you guys understand that if I am ever going to be able to tour again in my life, I need to take a little break now to take care of myself. Even if that means cutting back on my favorite activities in the world - singing and talking.

I love all of you for being so supportive of everything I've ever done, and I'm not going anywhere. Just keeping my mouth shut for a little while.

Kristina

125 comments:

elig said...

That's really sad Kristina. But look on the bright side. At least you're able to talk and sing a little bit :).

LukeConard said...

FIIIRST OMGawl

elfarmy17 said...

My initial reaction to this post was sadness, because I love your singing and it's obvious how much it means to you.

My second reaction was admiration, because reading about you pushing on with musical projects because you're passionate about it despite what it's been doing to your body is amazing.

I haven't read much of your writing just because you haven't posted much of it here since I've been a follower, but what I have I've liked a lot. Having spent the last week or so totally immersed in my own writing (doing yet another editing pass on my first novel after almost a year away from it), I know just how fun and fulfilling working on writing projects can be.

So you have my full sympathy and support, and I'm not going anywhere either. :)

(And you weren't going to be at the ConTour show I'm going to anyway- haha.)

Jess the Nerdfighting Band Geek said...

No matter what we still just love you for being awesome and making great videos, even if you aren't singing or able to go on tours. You could never truly disappoint us because those of us who like your music like your videos and blogs and writing too =)

kelly said...

Just know that if there's anything we could do for you, I'm sure tons of us would help you in any way we can. Just get better!!!

Stefan said...

Dude... take as much time as you need. But really.. can you talk more about how you can heal? does it just take time? is there surgery? Is there a long term fix? I have no Idea how this works and I fear for your health! get better!

emeyekayetc said...

I hope you can get better soon, Kristina!

Nieke said...

YOU is on the first places at all time. It's important for you to feel good after all. I wasn't going to see you as I'm from the Netherlands but I think it's super sad for you. Let's all hope it's get better but we still love you! Proud unicorn warriors, stay proud!

Bekn said...

Oh, that's so sad to hear. I can't imagine how awful that must feel. I admire you opening up about it, though, and having the courage to be completely honest about it. I hope things get better :)

Manar said...

Kristina, I love you so much, and I hope you know that we, as your fans, will always be supportive of you. I love your writing as much as I love your singing, and as much as I'll miss the latter, your health is way more important.

You're fantastic. Don't let some stupid nodes get you down. :)

Jennifer Sargent said...

Take care of yourself Kristina! You're still my favorite youtuber. =)
I'll see you at vidcon and I hope you get better soon.

Char Dizzle said...

Hey, we all still love you and your health comes first and foremost. I admire you for being mature enough to step back and realize that you needed to take care of yourself. Just know that I and all of the Unicorn Warriors (lawl) will support you in whatever you choose to do. Feel better and I'll see you at Vidcon. :)

Katers McNutty said...

Awww Kristina, don't be afraid to share things like this! I promise your sane fans won't riot or put you down! You need to focus on your health and if staying silent for a while helps you and will help you out in the long run, then who are we to argue? I sincerely hope you feel better soon and can participate in at least a few campire sing-a-longs this Summer. :D

VioletHotFish said...

Oh, Kristina! :( You could have told us sooner... we would have understood. And we still do now. You're doing the right thing! Hang in there, we all love you. And take care!

kyle said...

Everything you've done so far has been amazing. Sad I won't get to see you in Tampa, but it's not the end of the world. What's best for you in the long term is best for everyone, so just know that we support your decision. Unicorn Warriors!

Emily said...

Thank you for doing this for yourself rather than destroying your voice. I know that in your position I might not be as responsible and I admire you for that. Know that us fans will be here to support whatever you do! Certainly not seeing you on tour is disappointing but I would rather not see you now than know you were compromising your health. That 3RA tour was what got me into wizard rock and this whole fandom that I can't imagine my life without it now or who I would be. Thank you for everything that you have done and I wish you the best in your voice recovery! DFTBA

beautifulmonday said...

Good for you, girl. It's tricky to handle, manage, and discuss any health issue, but especially one that affects your work like this does.

Hope your plans for treating the nodes work! I wasn't going to be able to see you at the ConTour show I'm attending but I can't imagine how rough that would be for you to decide.

Brenna said...

I'm sure this isn't constructive at all, but the only thing I can think to say is that I hope you feel better. It must be tough, being denied something that you truly love, temporary or not. I really can't imagine what you're going through. I'm sure you'll be missed on tour, but knowing why makes it a bit easier.

Moonshoes Emma said...

While I am sad that you won't be able to tour this summer, I (as well as all of your fans, I would hope) would prefer that you drop these dates if it means that you won't hurt yourself. We love you and respect any decisions that you make. Your health comes first. Get better soon, Kristina. A world without your lovely voice is a sad, sad world. <3

jc.lau said...

Take care of yourself, Kristina. :)
I hope you get well soon!

Love, Chelsea said...

How scary, it sucks being a grown up and having to make smart decisions with your head instead of your heart.

Talilma said...

Really sorry to read this; I live in Europe so I've never seen you on tour, but as someone who loves singing I can barely start to imagine how hard this must be for you.

I find your passion for the things you love admirable, and I hope that you will be able to enjoy them all again. But you're right, now is a good time to take care of your body and focus on other things.

I love your personality and your writing, and I'm sure you'll do wonderful things. Thank you for the courage it took to share this. Get better soon and DFTBA!

Jerry Cooke said...

Oh Tina, you poor thing, that's horrible, especially that you have been dealing with it for such a long time, I wish I could give you a hug!

I love to sing, y'know, and when I lost my voice a few weeks ago and found myself unable, it really depressed me, so I can empathise, but can't imagine how much worse it must be for you, who put so much of yourself into your music. I hope that whatever comes to be, you find a way to heal through this, be it physically or emotionally. Us human beings are pretty awesome at adjusting to situations, even if they can make us crazy at times.

Say strong Tinaface, love you <3

(My verification word was diagit, which in my head kinda sounds like "dahgit!" an expression of accepting something that you'd rather not)

Niki. said...

I'm really sorry to hear that. I wasn't able to go to any of your shows this tour, but I can tell this really upsets you. I hope you get better soon. Please take as much time as you need!

Take care <3

Alex said...

I remember, last year at VidCon, you had lost your voice. And while everyone was certainly concerned, in retrospect I don't think too many of us were concerned enough. I remember jokingly going "But you have to scream about internet break-ups in a few hours" to you, and you did kind of laugh, but I imagine what it did more than anything was add another person to the list that you didn't want to let down.

I had no idea how selfish it was to say that, and I'm truly sorry I did.

ho_ said...

Tina, be good to your vocal nodes or whatever or I'll come back and kick your ass.

<3 Ho.

Nicole said...

Just think of it this way- "You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And DON'T underestimate the importance of BODY LANGUAGE!"
Maybe this is just a clue that you really are a mermaid!
Sorry.
I can't even imagine not having a voice. I'm so sorry.

ericaeeks said...

Kristina, your health is more important than tour. I would rather, as well as the rest of your fans, you took the time to take care of yourself then continue going on tour and hurting yourself even further. We love you and will support you 100% on this. <3 Take care of yourself hun, and see you at Leaky!

Kkthenerdfighter said...

This is really sad. I love your voice and I am happy that I get to hear you at vidcon. I hope that with the changes you are making things get better. Good luck and I will see you at VidCon

Sarah said...

I think all of us would prefer you talking instead of singing your voice away. I also find it pretty sad that you have been thinking about this with guilt, as I don't think a single one of your fans will be anything but understanding about this.
On a more personal note however, I understand this is hard for you to share. You have thousands of people who are reading these words and watching you on youtube, and to know that everything you do, in a way, becomes 'public domain' must be difficult when dealing with something that is so very personal. I've met you, and I know people who know you personally, so I know you're a very nice and good person. It's very sad to see bad things happen to good people.
As Jerry said, I wish words could heal vocal chords, but as I know they cannot, I hope they can, from me and from everybody else, take away the pain a little bit.

Brent said...

Hope you get better soon!!

Gina said...

I hope you start feeling better in the next couple of months. As long as you take care of yourself you will be able to do the things you love more later on. As much as I enjoy you're singing and videos on youtube, it would much wiser to appreciate the fact you are willing to be a little selfish and take care of yourself, than to be selfish in return and say you should continue making music for your fans. If you take the much needed rest you need you'll be back in no time flat. Focus on your other loves, like writing, and everything will go by faster.

Wishing you a quick recovery,
Gina

Gianna said...

I'm so sorry for you
but you shouldn't worry about your fans
as a fan I support you and I really hope your singing and talking voice gets better
I'm glad that your taking care of yourself

you Wrock, no matter what.
:D
good luck
and I am very excited and happy and feel blessed that I get to see you at LeakyCon :D

megashton said...

Every single comment on here is one of well wishes. Everyone understands that sometimes, you've got to sort yourself out and put your health first before it does some serious, long term damage.

Try not to let this get you down, we're all really proud of this decision, it must have taken a lot of courage and even though we'll miss you on tours, we're just glad you're helping yourself here.

DFTBA

malhis said...

<3 We still love you and understand that you need to take care of yourself. I was so shocked when I read this, It's so easy for us unicorn warriors to think you have a nice perfect life. I hope you get better really, really soon!

MegTao said...

so blogger ate my super long heart felt reply XD But the long and short of it is:

You're awesome. Take care of yourself. And don't feel guilty about this because your fans would choose you taking care of yourself over you touring any day.

<3 Meghan

Sarah Jo said...

Oh no, Kristina. I hope there's something you can do to treat or get rid of them ? I remember the last time you mentioned having problems with nodes and I was hoping you had fixed it somehow, I guess. (I'm sorry if that's really creepy.. I just have a really great memory)

Molly Jo said...

No matter how excited they are to see you on tour, I'm sure any of your fans (like the ones who have commented here) would rather know you were taking time to heal your body than have you push yourself even further. I have a chronic condition that makes me need more rest and down time than I would prefer, so I know the frustration and heartbreak that comes with not being able to so what you want. But it's also freed me up to discover other passions and have experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise (like work on my own blog). I'm sure that you'll look back and see the benefits to other areas of your life when this is over.

I'm looking forward to seeing you at LeakyCon! Got my wand ready :-)

Rose24 said...

Kristina, please don't worry about us - you've siriusly got to worry about yourself :) i love your voice - it's so unique and different and every song you sing seems like it was made for you. i think its admirable that you're willing to take a break not only to take care of yourself but to make sure we don't experience half assed work in which you aren't singing to your fullest potential.

i hope the recovery process goes well!

& i'll pray that you don't get arthritis or carapl tunnel because if you can't blog on top of this - dear god help the world.

Liam Radge said...

I'm genuinely gutted to hear that someone with such a gorgeous voice is having trouble with it, especially you! :(

I'm sure you've been told plenty of methods already, but if it helps, I found this- it mentions a bit on warming up for performances etc: http://www.speech-language-therapy.com/adult-voice-strain.htm

Hang tight; I know how good you are at overcoming really shitty things, so this'll be sorted in no time. (Well it'd better be, because when I start doing music stuff of my own I was gonna coerce you into a duet. :P)
<3

Pikakeflor said...

Hey, Kristina.
I'm really sorry to hear about your voice. I can't imagine what it's like to not be able to do the things you love. But I know you're a strong person, and that you'll get through this. Just remember: Keep yourself safe, keep faith.

Bethany said...

I'm glad to see you made this decision, no matter how difficult it appears to be. I've learned all about the dangers of vocal nodules in my classes (because as you probably know I'm a Speech Therapy assistant), and I know that they can indeed cause severe, lasting damage and even become cancerous if nothing is done about them. Sadly, the only thing you can really do is rest, which is what you're doing. I'm sad to hear you won't be able to do what you love this summer, but maybe this preventative measure will help preserve your voice in the long run.

Amy said...

I am really glad you are taking a break and focusing on yourself. Please get healthy. Things like tours and shows are wonderful and make great memories but being able to sing to your children someday is more improtant. You are wonderful and your fans will always understand. Hope you have a wonderful day!

Evelyn said...

I really hope this gets better, Kristina. You are such a role model to me, what with working towards your passions. Things will work out, one way or the other. Stay strong. :)

Ruth E. Day said...

Awww, Kristina! That's so sad! I hope the sacrifices you're making pay off and you're able to sing again without all the stress soon. I'll look forward to seeing you at LeakyCon, even if you don't sing (honestly, if you do sing, I'll be worrying about your nodes the entire time anyway.) I was going to go to the show in Tampa right after LeakyCon. I probably still will since I like everyone else on that tour as well. And I hope you know, that even if you just want to go on tour to hang out with your friends but not perform, no one's going to FORCE you to sing. Granted, I can totally see how being in the car with all your friends and not being able to do sing-a-longs or even talk much would be depressing...

But yea, just think about all the extra time you'll have to work on your writing. Writing always cheers me up :)

Jenna said...

As pretty much everyone else on here as said, I'm sure we would all have you take the time you need now before permanent damage is done. Take care of yourself first. It may be hard to step back, but we can wait until you're better- it's no fun watching one of your favorite musicians suffer just to put on a show.

Take care!

Reyna Villa said...

Awh, Kristina. Take care of yourself, and we'll support you no matter what. Besides, taking a break can be good news for ALL CAPS and any music projects you'll have in the future. <3

Olivia said...

Get well soon!

Holy Lucy batman! said...

Get better!!!

Sash said...

From someone who majored in opera singing (including classes involving that throat scope you mentioned), I can tell you that you are doing the right thing. The vast majority of vocal nodes will go away completely with rest and therapy. Singers aren't even considered "adult" until 27 in the classical music world, so once you heal, you only have good things to look forward to.

Not talking is hard. I've done it. Maybe you can subtitle some videos or have friends do crazy voice overs. Play with your editor and see if you can mimic early silent films. View this time as a creative opportunity.

I've also gone through losing the ability to play concert level piano because of rheumatoid arthritis and slowly getting it back once I had the right meds. If you want to vent to someone who understands what you're going through, feel free to contact me. I'm @SarahDavisSings on twitter.

More importantly, your fans will stick by you. Just keep swimming. *hugs*

Tani T said...

Please take care of yourself, you lovely lovely woman. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and I'm sure your fanbase finds your health much more important than your performances. We love you. I love you. Take care, darling.

Carolyn said...

I'm so sorry for what you're going through and I hope that this gets a resolution soon. Sending positive vibes your way, Kristina! <3

Kathy S said...

Take good care of yourself!

Van Herrmann said...

Get better Kristina, Your followers and supporting friends and family are all here for you, and for times like now (and during this stage of recovery) , YOU are important to us all. We all believe you have a beautiful voice and that it would be devastating if we were to lose such an amazing diamond of a charm. Rest up, enjoy the cons to you utter most and we'll surely see you in the near future up and well :) Peace.

Mary said...

please don't sacrifice yourself for your unicorn warriors, don't think that you have to sing to keep us loyal or something, if that means that one year or five, or ten or however long it takes for you to get better we are here to support you! but more importantly you need to get better so that *you* can be happy doing everything that you want to! xx

Jennerbees said...

Oh, Kristina, my heart is just breaking for you. :( PLEASE take the time to heal up properly. We'll all still be here. :) *big hugs* (P.S. See you at Leaky! YAY!)

Kirstin said...

Oh Kristina, it sucks you have to go through all that. I can only imagine what you are going through. I'm glad your taking care of yourself though. Id offer to sing for you to help make you feel better, but no one wants that. Lol. Take care girl.

Jes said...

Take care of yourself Kristina we always have your old Youtube videos and music videos to listen to. Keep yourself healthy you don't want to lose your voice because then you won't be able to talk and when you do its amazingly funny!!! From now on just make the little things count!!

Julia said...

Taking care of yourself is extremely important and you should do whatever you can to feel better. I love your music and I hope you get better as soon as possible!

Also, I don't think you sound silly when you say you miss singing along with your friends. It's totally normal to feel like that, especially since you love singing so much. So enjoy your summer as much as possible and good luck with the writing! I hope that means we get more blogs soon :D

emily64cooper said...

I know exactly what you're talking about.

I had been working on a song in my vocal lessons for two months. I was set to perform it in my school's cabaret. I was also going to do two other solos, and audition for another show. I had a French speaking final I needed to take.

Then I lost my voice. My doctor told me there were nodules on my throat that were, and if I wanted the swelling to decrease, I'd have to stay absolutely silent for ten days. So I did. I carried around a white board and dry erase marker for ten days, and used that to talk to my friends. I asked a friend who I had every class with to explain to my teachers for me. I ran the sound board for the cabaret. I had to sit in the back and watch someone perform something I'd worked two months on.

It sucked, but I stayed as positive about it as I could.

You will get through this. You can make it. You are a baeautiful human being, and I can't wait for you to get better. Take all the time you need - just get better. Your fans are eagerly awaiting your next concert. :)

~Just Amanda said...

There's no way for the comment I'm going to about to post to not come out kind of cliched, but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason, it's a huge part of my life and it's gotten me through a lot. I believe that if you live your life believing that what happened happened for a reason it's easier to get through the hard things. As soon as I read the initial part about having to take some time off from writing and singing your writing is what came to my mind. As a writer (with no musical ability) I can't fully understand what it must mean for you to have to step away from singing for a bit - but that's when the writer side of me kind of flairs up and just can't wait for you to be struck by a muse that will make all of these trials you're going through worth it. I just think this is such a great opportunity to really throw yourself into a written project - think of it as an extra NaNoWri(unspecified period of time)

Riley said...

You are so strong and compassionate. I know how devastated I would be if I couldn't sing, and here you are just worried about disappointing people. I'm glad you are making a smart "selfish" decision so that you can delight us in the future. And in the meantime, I know all of your fans will continue to love your work in your many other mediums.

EJ said...

Don't worry for a second about what we'll think, Kristina, your well-being and happiness are more important to us than any tour. You know that we're all behind you no matter what. If you can't sing or talk in a video for a while, we'll still watch. Use flashcards or something, we'll support you no matter what you do, because the internet proves over and over again that there are more ways to communicate than simply speaking outloud or singing. Point is, we're all behind you no matter what.

Best wishes,
EJ

JW said...

I can't say anything different than anyone else. Permanent damage is too high a price to pay. Get better first. People who care about you will wait, as I'm sure you're noticing here.

DefCon5 said...

Take care of yourself, Kristina. We'll still be around when you have your health back.

Aimee said...

I am a little sad that you won't be coming on the Con Tour, because I was looking forward to seeing you, but your health is much more important. I'm glad you're at least taking action so you don't do any permanent damage to your voice. Hopefully, you'll be back to singing and touring soon :)

Caitlin said...

I remember we talked about this at vidcon last summer... It's really hard to have an instrument that you are constantly using. (I mean, you don't see trumpet players using their horns 24/7 to communicate.) I lost my voice after working the DFTBA booth for 2 days and it scared the CRAP out of me. Everytime I lose it, I'm worried I won't get it back. I Applaud you for your responsible decision...although it's hard to do, it'll be good for you. Who knows, maybe your voice will sound even better when you start again! :) I wish you luck and hope those nasty nodes run away soon! If you ever need some silence support (and miracle tea!), you know who to turn to! :)

alimarie_11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alimarie_11 said...

Kristina, We. Love. You.

That means taking care of yourself is most important to any real fans.

I'm so sorry that this happens to you, whose life centers around your voice so much.

Take Care!

No worries about not see some of your fans--it's all the more reason for awesome fan mail!

:)

(that last comment had Extreme typos:P)

Kayla (kaylaissocoollike) said...

Awwwehh! Kristina! This was sad to read. But you could look at it this way, you could take a break during NaNoWriMo! You'll finish no problem if you do that! ;) But I really do hope this passes! Best wishes!

xx

Jane said...

I know it will be really hard to go without something you love, but I am so impressed by how optimistic you are being about it, and how you focus on the positives like having the time to write. You are so great. I'm sorry you have been worried about this for so long and I hope it gets better soon. And you can spend the time being quiet doing fun things like watching My Little Pony!

lady said...

Ow, that sucks. But don't worry, a friend of mine who's a teacher had the same problem a while ago, and she fixed it with a voice doctor (that's probably not how they're called XD) who gave her breathing techniques and such. I'm sure you'll be fine soon :)

Just focus on healing, we'll still be here when you come back. And you can use the time to write! I love your blogs :)

Lots of love!

Bree said...

I'm a big fan of yours, Kristina, and I always read your blog (but never post responses). I just wanted to lend my support during this rough time. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this issue and have been for a while now. I'm glad you're taking the time you need in order to heal and get better.

If I could lend any advice it would be to not feel guilty for not being able to tour or put out music for others, and to treat yourself as well as you possibly can. Also, I'm a big fan of the power of positive thinking and attracting good things into your life (which you clearly demonstrate all the time as your life rocks), so take the time to visualize yourself getting better. See yourself as perfect and whole with these nodes completely disappearing, leaving behind the beautiful singing voice we've all come to know and love.

Take care, Kristina.

-Bree

Em Filer said...

One of my best friends in the whole world had nodes and was forced to be COMPLETELY silent for over two months. It was nearly torturous for her. I'm so glad, for your sake, that you're not in the same boat. Get better, and we all love you! <3

Kathy said...

I'm bummed that I wont get to see you but I want you to take care of yourself. We all love you and we want you to be alright. Don't feel bad about it.

Abby said...

Oh Kristina, when I first read this I really wanted to start crying! I will honestly be praying for you to get better. In the mean time, try not to get too bored with not being able to talk. Best wishes!

Marie said...

The most important thing is that you do what needs to be done for yourself, right now. We can wait- your voice is pretty damn important. I respect you so much for making the best decision for yourself, despite what it means for you in the present, and hope that everyone around you is as supportive as you deserve. As long as you're well, we're happy <3

Kristina, you're an amazing person with so much talent. I'm upset that you even have to go through this, but it makes me smile knowing how dedicated you are, and that you're taking the necessary steps to take care of yourself. Just remember to still have fun =P

almostmyturn said...

Hope you get well soon. Just remember that everybody still loves you even if you can't sing.

Brandon said...

Kristina, that is so unfortunate, but I'm sure everyone understands how much you need to rest your voice. It would be incredibly selfish of us (I'm including myself even though I am not along the tour route) to expect you to keep singing when you are literally destroying your ability to communicate. Rest up, speak softly and feel better. Your voice is an amazing gift and the world would be a much worse place without it. Get well soon!

Christine said...

back in the 1890's there was this guy named Alexander who had the same problem. he'd lose his voice while reciting shakespeare and that pissed him off.

so then he invented the alexander technique (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_technique)
and now you can fix your problem. :D

kittygurl212 said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you won't be able to go on ConTour this summer, but it's good for you to take a break and rest your vocal chords. Nodes are bad juju and could permanently damage your voice. I used to be a vocal major and had friends who had nodes and couldn't talk, let alone sing for a long while, but resting the chords does help a lot. Just try to only speak/sing when you really need to, like at LeakyCon or VidCon. I wish I could go to either of those or to ConTour, but I'm kind of stuck by the Mexican border in New Mexico, with the nearest show six hours away. But rest up, feel better, and I'm hoping one day that we can meet.

Take care,
Kathryn

P.S. Aloe Vera Juice with Papaya. Tastes somewhat awful, but it helps for when you need to perform. If you can't find that, regular Aloe Vera Juice works as well, just mix it with something (lemonade is best). You can find it at any organic store :-)

Stephan said...

We're all rooting for you Kristina. Your well-being comes first and foremost. These obstacles will come and go, but its what we learn from them that will make us stronger.

DFTBA...

Jenna St. Hilaire said...

Best wishes for a quick recovery, Kristina! I'm almost certain I've had nodes a couple of times, and I know how lost I feel when my voice quits working. Cheers for making the wise and difficult choice. That takes bravery. (Are you sure you haven't got a little Gryffindor in you? Though I suppose Snape proved that Slytherins can be brave, too. ;))

Hope to see you fully recovered and on another tour someday. In the meantime, best of luck with your writing. :)

Jack said...

So sorry to hear you're hurting. I think it's awesome you're doing the right thing for yourself. Best wishes! Can't wait to read more of your writing.

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry to hear that, Kristina. I remember hearing you sing for the first time, like, six years ago or so on your collaboration with MoM. You still have a wonderful voice.

Reading about the things you've had to go through because of your nodes made me realize how much speaking plays a role in our lives. You're such an incredibly brave and strong person for having to go through all of that.

Don't worry about the tour, what matters is your voice! Like you said, it's such a big part of your life. Skipping out on a few weeks of touring is really, really fine if you compare it with what could happen if you don't take care of yourself!

At least you can still blog as much as you'd like, and it's so awesome that you're going to be focusing on writing. Thankfully, there are lots of projects to take up that don't require much speaking.

We support you!! And I can't wait to see what kind of other awesome things you'll be up to. The energy you put into your passions is so inspiring.

Dillypoo said...

Time to put yourself first and take care of your voice. Hugs to you!

Unknown said...
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Matt said...

I just want to echo the thoughts of everyone else here. Taking care of yourself is far more important than a single tour. I know that some of your fans may be disappointed that they won't be able to see you perform this summer, I'm sure they'll all understand.

I hope that you find as much enjoyment in your writing as you do in your singing!

Best Wishes!

Abby said...

Aww! Kristina! That's so sad! But does that mean more blog posts? Eh? Eh? Too soon. Maybe too soon. Anyway, I'm proud that you're taking care of yourself! I'm sure it's hard, but most definitely worth it if it might mean awesome videos and songs from you in the future.

badbob001 said...

I once tried to classify you. Are you a singer who vlogs? A vlogger who sings? A writer who sings and vlogs? An unicorn cult leader who blogs and sells nifty t-shirts? I failed... because you're so multi-talented and always evolving. It's my belief that everyone has this potential but not everyone has the courage and curiosity to so clearly actualize it.

I'm sorry that you have to choose to give up something you love. While singing is a very good part of you, it's only one of the many good parts that makes you great. This may be a good time to level up a particular skill (writing?) or come up with new and strange combinations of others (underwater photography?). Just lay off the grinding, okay?

Elizabeth Haebig said...

Kristina,
I can't believe that this particular thing, vocal nodes, had to come and effect something that you love so much, your music. I still think you are so talented and strong for being able to push through it for so long. But now it's time to focus on you. And I know that I will always support you whatever you are doing wether it's writing, singing, or vlogging!

Stay strong and get better soon!
Elizabeth

Alice. said...

Kristina, as much as people will be disappointed, your health is the most important thing. Keep healthy, keep well. We love you :) x

Tabby-Kate said...

I don't know how anyone could be disappointed that you decided t take care of yourself! All of us Unicorn Warriors will support you and any decision you make. Be strong and take a real break from singing, who knows, it may clear up in a pottermiricle. Stranger things have happened.

PinkPieLover18 said...

Omg, that's terrible, Kristina! :( It's completely understandable to take summer tour off. Health is important. But it's still sad that you can't sing and talk as much as you like. :( I love your vlogs and music, but you should rest your voice up. Hope you get better! Best wishes! :)

nicolexoxo said...

Kristina, no matter how hard this is that you're going through, you will still continue to inspire your fans. We don't look up to you just because of your awesome catchy songs, we look up to you because of your energized spirit and participation in this whole crazed internet thing...i don't even know what to call it haha. Of course being without your voice is going to be....a challenge to say the least, but maybe it will get your creative juices flowing! Silence can be powerful. Use it to your advantage someway. Maybe make a youtube video where you don't speak at all! Anyways, I'm really sorry about this, because having a voice is a huge part of our lives...but think about this...Ariel did it :D (for like 3 days...but still!! And she managed to get a prince!!!)

Rae said...

Kristina, we get it. Sure, we're disappointed that you won't be touring, but your health is more important. Do your best, we love you, and get the help you need. <3 Rae

Agentin said...

oh that's sad that you won't be on tour but it's okay take as much time as you need to get well.
I'll go to your next tour.

jrmatute said...

you are amazing. period.

Molly said...

I'm so sorry! I hope you get better soon! And I hope you FEEL better soon!

I'm praying for you!

VicMorrowsGhost said...

I'm so sorry to hear that! You've always been so full of song. I guess now due to the rarity of your singing it will become an ever more highly prized luxury item.

Alternatively, if you do develop a more husky tone, I can see two other styles that may suit.

1. Growyl lounge singer. You could do all your songs in a hushed whisper in smoky basements... in France.

2. Tom Waits style swamp rock. Remaster all your songs with some distorted guitars and stomping beats.

Thank about it. ;)

SillyJaime said...

There are already 100 comments before mine, probably all of them saying positive and supportive things, but I'm adding mine to the mix anyway. It sounds like you've been through some scary stuff, but we're all here to support you! You're doing the right thing for you, even if it doesn't feel very good right now.

HikaruKokoi said...

Don't worry, your fans love you and while they may be sad you aren't going to be on the tour they would rather hear your voice for years to come than have you stress out and try to do too much and do permanent damage to yourself. *hugs* ^_^

beangirl1389 said...

I hope you'll be ok. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, because that's what you need to do. "Fans" or as I like to think of all of us friends just want the best for you. A positive though would be more opportunities for blog posts. Just get better, we're here if you need us.
<3

KitterKat said...

Thanks for sharing with us, Kristina. All of us fans love you and just want what's best for you! Feel better soon!

WordsofMySoul said...

Hey Kristina I'm really sorry to hear that, I can tell how much your voice means to you because with it your able to give yourself happiness and give happiness to others. I truly wish you the best and I hope all the sacrifice that you are about to invest will be worth it in the future. Good luck:)

Screaming Reviewer said...

Kristina, I'm so sorry! I'm glad you're being responsible about this, but this must be so hard for you! I have to say, i understand - I'm a dancer and I've recently developed arthritis. My doctor wants me to stop dancing as much (but I'm not). So, I'm really proud of you!

hpfannumbah1 said...

I feel so bad for you :( I think it's smart that you realized that you shouldn't talk. Get better soon!

Mufa said...

A challange charlie....er kristina. I challange you to learn sign language and use it in your videos! Give your voice a break and learn something awesome too!

Corinne Florentino said...

Everyone understands if you have to take time off to recover! We want you here for the long run, if that means a less youtube videos for now, it's worth it. Hope you feel better soon!Thanks for being so awesome!

Liam said...

Don't feel bad this isn't your fault! And don't worry, I'm not disappointed at all I'm very very happy that you won't be singing because that means your condition can improve. Your health is more important because it means you're increasing the amount of singing you'll do overall by not singing this time! Think of it that way.

StevenH said...

Kristina- We understand completely about you taking time off. Please, take as much as you need. You being well is much more important to us than any single tour, or any number of tours put together. I'm very, very sorry that this is affecting so many things you love, and I respect you all the more for your ability to make the responsible choice in the face of all this hardship.

I know it will be hard, but you can't let this keep you down. Focus on your writing, and overcoming this challenge in regards to Youtube videos, and most importantly of all, on not forgetting to be awesome. Get well soon, Kristina!!! We love you!!!

Courtney said...

Aw, I'm sad that I won't be able to see you on tour. But that's okay. Your health is more important!

richardpatrick said...

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. I don't know anything about nodes but all I can say is that you are one of my favourite people in the world even though i have never met you and I care about you and your happiness. You are very brave to do what you are doing now and not trying to continue full speed ahead like someone less mature might.

All your friends and fans will always be here for you no matter what.

zoeunleashed said...

I feel very disappointed for you! You should not worry about us, even though I guess it's hard not to :P. But what I mean is that I can see how this must be really difficult for you especially with the change to your lifestyle. It must be tough, but I really hope that you are doing OK yourself. You deserve to look after yourself and should feel no pressure to perform when it is affecting your health, we understand, we are nerdfighteria!

I have never met you and probably won't, (because I'm from the UK) but you have been an inspiration to me and you seem like such a lovely person with a good heart, that it really pains me to know that you are having to go through something like this. I'm sure you will have a lot of support from us, you deserve it. If there is anything we can do for you, I'm sure we will do it :)

I really do hope that you get better soon, and it doesn't get any worse for you. Take some time off, try to relax, and just enjoy your writing, it can be such a lovely creative outlet and I know you like it as you post on here a fair bit. :) Keep us posted if you can, and best wishes!

Zoe

Rex said...

Kristina, I liked your videos way before I found out about your music! I can't wait to see what other projects you come out with in the future! I can't wait!

Noahsark said...

You're amazing, and you don't need your voice to be so :)

AmyK7 said...

Kristina oh my god, I feel so bad for you :(. I hope you're okay, I can't even begin to imagine how terrible this must be, especially for someone like you! Don't worry about letting anyone down, I'm sure everyone understands how important it is that you focus on getting better. Sending lots of love your way from Ireland. <3

Dominique (Zoe) said...

That must be horrible for you. Even though I don't go to VidCon or ConTour or LeakyCon or any specific conferences in general, I feel bad because singing is a great part in your life and most who watch your YouTube videos know it too. :( Get well soon, Kristina! :)

Kate said...

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear this! But the most important thing is to keep yourself healthy. I would say you've been completely unselfish by trying to give your fans what they want. You just need to focus on getting better.

Vikachu said...

I feel sorry for you. Take care of yourself, Kristina! <3

Rachel said...

as someone who's struggled with vocal issues (I couldn't sing for 3 months this year after a bad asthma attack), I wish you the best. It really, really sucks not to be able to sing and talk and everything. I actually started to learn sign language because I got so tired of writing stuff down for my family members to read. :P I'll miss hearing you sing, but your first priority right now is absolutely taking care of yourself. And don't worry too much--everything will be fine, and we all love you, voice or no!

billowycapeofdoom said...

I think as your fans we totally understand that you need to take this break. We all just want you to be alright. So I hope things get better!
I will always be a fan, no matter what (:

Julia Rose said...

Oh my goodness, Kristina. As a singer and a talker myself, I don't know what I would do in your position. Other than rest. Take care of it because once it's gone it's gone. Of course we don't blame you! The Unicorn Warriors will always be here to support you! But, those nodes are there because you use your throat voice a lot. So take care! You'll be in our thoughts!! We love you!

Patrick Dominic said...

it is the same for me. There are many thing that I want to post and I have a interesting post about Buy cialis and how society looks at it.

Dannerzme said...

As a singer myself I would be so frustrated if this would happen to me. Thank you for sharing your story. I know you lost your voice over the holidays. I hope you get better soon. :)