I don't know what to do with myself when I am not busy. Does anyone else get like this?
It's weird. I have plenty of things I like doing with my time. I love writing. I love reading books. I like catching up on TV shows, and making food, and going for walks; I like playing music and cleaning out my room and organizing things, I like puttering around online, taking baths, going shopping, talking on the phone or on skype - but I don't usually have a ton of free time to do that stuff.
I keep myself very busy - with school, homework, plans with friends or family, making videos, replying to emails, going on trips, making appointments, meetings, projects, deadlines, collaborations, etc.
So when I DO have a day with little to nothing planned, like today, I just don't know what to do with myself.
This is how my train of thought went just now.
I am doing laundry today. I could fold the next load of laundry. But it's still a little damp, so I give it more time, and come back upstairs.
I could take a shower. Or I could read a book! But - oh, here's an idea, I could take a BATH, and read a book while bathing. That would be nice. But what book should I read? I haven't read anything new since Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I would have to start a new book.
I'm going to sit on the edge of my bed where I can see my bookshelf and ponder over the books I have on my shelf but haven't begun reading yet.
Feed, by M.T. Anderson?
Diary, by Chuck Palahniuk?
Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher?
Or, well, hm. I kind of want to read them all. I'm going to put my head down on my bed for a minute and think about this. It's very soft, and I'm still in my pajamas. And I'm a little tired, even though it's only five o'clock. Maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a minute…
Twenty minutes later, my roommate runs up the stairs to ask me something, stops in the doorway, and I hear him say, "Kristina, why are you sleeping at the foot of your bed?"
And then I mumble something about the bookshelf being too far away and trying to multitask my free time and I realize I am talking nonsense, and man, I do not do well with free time.
Even when I don't need to multi-task, I find myself doing it, because I work better when I FEEL busy. Catching up on Glee while folding my laundry. Reading a book while bathing. Getting multiple things done at the same time, even when I have all day to myself, to do anything I want with the time.
Now if I could just find a way to make videos while I sleep and write blog posts while doing the dishes, life would be great.
Tomorrow morning, I am leaving for a camping trip that I am quite looking forward to. What I am about to say makes me sound like some work-a-holic internet obsessed freak, but this will be the first time I have gone on a vacation without my laptop since I bought a laptop for the first time, four years ago. Mostly I'm leaving it home because there will be no wifi or place to plug it in, but also because I deserve a little break from the Internet this weekend. A nice little mental break before the last week of college.
My phone gets email sent to it though, so I guess I'm not completely checking out. Haha.
But anyway. No laptop. Just me, my family, my best friend Eia, a campfire, the tide flats, marshmallows, hot dogs, probably some rain, the river, dirt paths, clam digging and nature. I can't wait. :)
I wanted to bring up all the comments on my last entry. I can't believe how many of you are going through such crazy things in your life right now! So many of you are graduating from high school, or have just started college, or are completely leaving your life to spend a year in a foreign country, just wow. And thank you to all the first time commenters; it's always nice to hear from new people.
I am going to reply to a couple people now, though I wish I could reply to everyone:
April, I know what you mean about freedom also bringing pressure, because suddenly it's entirely up to you to prove to people (and to yourself) that you're using that freedom in a productive way.
Caliowin, I'm sorry to hear about your tonsillitis!
Azu, congrats on your Orthography contest! I don't know what that is, but it sounds fancy!
Partyweetow, I am so sorry about your cat Lumpy. Losing a pet is like losing a friend, and that's never easy.
Danielle, a huge congrats on grad school. And thank you for the encouraging words on always being able to change your path if you are unhappy.
TessaBessa! Good luck on your date!
Alylurker, you'll do great in Spain. It's hard not going back to what's familiar, but I really hope your summer is fantastic.
Giascreen, I am so sorry your dad wont be able to see you graduate. And never apologize for sharing your experiences with others, I can't even count the number of times I've dumped sad things here on this blog.
Appletrain, wow. Moving from California to the Middle East is a huge change, but I am sure you'll find things you love about both places as you adjust.
Sarah-Mechelle, you just opened your own cafe! That's awesome.
So many of you are doing so many amazing things - I can't believe what an impressive group of people I have reading about MY experiences. After reading your comments to my last post, I seriously wanted to find out more about every single one of your lives.
Last google search: "bbiab" <-- Alan Lastufka said this to me on skype, and I had to look up what it meant. "Be back in a bit." Really, Alan? That needed an acronym? THOSE ARE ALL SHORT WORDS.
Chipotle burritos: 10
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